IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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One of the social concerns today relates to the vital objectives of a country.
While
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 it is widely thought that economic progress is the most crucial target of many governments, others believe that other areas of development
also
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 play a key role in a nation. I am going to discuss these opposing points of view. From my perspective, more fields should be invested in a nation. On the one hand, it is certainly true that economic growth is necessary. The main reason is that it can lead to increased job opportunities, high wages, and improved standards of living for citizens.
For instance
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, the U.S. - one of the strongest countries in the world, which is extremely popular with modern society and well-paid workers. Another reason is that it is
also
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 beneficial for governments to have greater tax revenues.
For example
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, the average tax rate of a normal worker was about 24,8% in 2022, and
this
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 is not a humble number compared to other countries.
On the other hand
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, it is strongly believed by others that education, military, and healthcare are equally significant as the economy. People often have
this
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 opinion because skilled workforces, life expectancies and security are essential priorities for a well-developed country. A particularly good example here is Norway, which has ranked in the top 10 of the world’s happiest countries thanks to its extremely high quality of life in terms of education, and healthcare, …
according to
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 U.S. News. In conclusion, it is commonly thought that economic progress is a pressing intention of many authorities; meanwhile, others assume that other fields should have adequate significance. Personally, I tend to believe that areas other than economics are
also
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 vital for human beings and should be given appropriate attention and investment.

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supported main points
Ensure that you develop your main points further by providing more in-depth examples and explanations, which are critically engaging with the topics in question.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are present and provide clear bookends to your essay. However, consider making your thesis statement and opinion stand out more by directly addressing the prompt in a more complex sentence structure.
complete response
Be sure to fully address both views of the discussion, making your comparison more explicit and developing your own opinion with a more comprehensive evaluation based on the points presented.
logical structure
Your essay generally has a good logical flow, but you should aim to improve the transitions between paragraphs for an even more cohesive read. Use phrases that not only signal the beginning of a new paragraph but also show how it relates to the previous text.
clear comprehensive ideas
While you have clear ideas, strive to express them more comprehensively. Elaborate on why the points made are important and how they relate to the key question. Also, aim to showcase a range of vocabulary and sentence structures that accurately reflect the complexity of the topic.
relevant specific examples
To strengthen your argument, make sure to incorporate concrete and specific examples that clearly support your main points. The broader the range of specific details related to the topic, the more convincing your essay will be.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • sustainable development
  • social equality
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural heritage
  • technological innovation
  • wealth disparity
  • human development index
  • holistic approach
  • quality of life
  • economic prosperity
  • healthcare system
  • education system
  • cultural diversity
  • policy decisions
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