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Band 7

Young people today mostly learn by reading books or watching movies, rather than real-life experiences. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #books #movies #experiences
In modern society, there is a disagreement about the issue of whether
children
 should learn
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
 secondary sources
such
 as
books
 and
movies
 rather than real-life
experiences
. I personally believe that encouraging young
people
 to have real-life
experiences
 is more beneficial than reading
books
 or watching
movies
 in
children
's learning process.
To begin
 with, it is commonly believed that having real-life
experiences
 from an early age would give an opportunity to young
people
 to gain useful life lessons that they can never have by reading
books
 or watching
movies
.
For example
, an educational study shows that high school students who have part-time jobs are more likely to continue better spending habits into adulthood than students who do not work because they would learn the value of money
while
 earning money by themselves.
This
 shows that
experiences
in reality
Add the comma(s)
, in reality,
show examples
 are much more useful than secondary sources since
such
experiences
 provide life-long knowledge that could give guidance to young
people
 to be well-rounded adults.
Moreover
, another factor that makes real-life
experiences
 more valuable than
books
 and
movies
 is that
such
experiences
 can teach students the importance of cooperation in society. It is undeniable that adolescents can learn a wide range of knowledge or information through reading
books
 or watching
movies
, but
such
 material cannot provide any opportunity to learn how to socialize with other
people
.
For instance
, many educational experts point out that
children
 who have only focused on traditional learning methods like reading
books
 in school might have difficulties
to get
Change the verb form
getting
show examples
 involved in a group or community
due to
 a lack of cooperation skills.
Therefore
, it is crucial for young
people
 to have real-life
experiences
such
 as attending speaking contests and group discussion classes as it is much helpful to get
along with
 other
people
 in the future. In conclusion, it is heavily discussed regarding young
people
's education methods in many societies. There are some
people
 who argue that secondary sources would bring about many beneficial outcomes in
children
's academic performance, but I strongly believe that the advantages of real-life
experiences
 indeed outweigh
books
 and
movies
.
Submitted by ce058670 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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