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Band 7

Young people today mostly learn by reading books or watching movies, rather than real-life experiences. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In modern society, there is a disagreement about the issue of whether
children
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 should learn
by
Change preposition
from
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 secondary sources
such
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 as
books
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 and
movies
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 rather than real-life
experiences
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. I personally believe that encouraging young
people
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 to have real-life
experiences
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 is more beneficial than reading
books
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 or watching
movies
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 in
children
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's learning process.
To begin
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 with, it is commonly believed that having real-life
experiences
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 from an early age would give an opportunity to young
people
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 to gain useful life lessons that they can never have by reading
books
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 or watching
movies
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.
For example
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, an educational study shows that high school students who have part-time jobs are more likely to continue better spending habits into adulthood than students who do not work because they would learn the value of money
while
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 earning money by themselves.
This
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 shows that
experiences
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in reality
Add the comma(s)
, in reality,
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 are much more useful than secondary sources since
such
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experiences
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 provide life-long knowledge that could give guidance to young
people
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 to be well-rounded adults.
Moreover
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, another factor that makes real-life
experiences
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 more valuable than
books
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 and
movies
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 is that
such
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experiences
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 can teach students the importance of cooperation in society. It is undeniable that adolescents can learn a wide range of knowledge or information through reading
books
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 or watching
movies
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, but
such
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 material cannot provide any opportunity to learn how to socialize with other
people
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.
For instance
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, many educational experts point out that
children
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 who have only focused on traditional learning methods like reading
books
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 in school might have difficulties
to get
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getting
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 involved in a group or community
due to
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 a lack of cooperation skills.
Therefore
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, it is crucial for young
people
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 to have real-life
experiences
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such
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 as attending speaking contests and group discussion classes as it is much helpful to get
along with
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 other
people
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 in the future. In conclusion, it is heavily discussed regarding young
people
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's education methods in many societies. There are some
people
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 who argue that secondary sources would bring about many beneficial outcomes in
children
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's academic performance, but I strongly believe that the advantages of real-life
experiences
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 indeed outweigh
books
Use synonyms
 and
movies
Use synonyms
.

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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