IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.

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Nowadays
people
Use synonyms
 tend to
work
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 more intensively, putting their health and amusement aside, thinking
this
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 is the best way to become more productive, and qualified.
This
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 might be accepted by many
people
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, but for me, it is a huge misconception. In my opinion, dedicating
time
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 to rest is more crucial than working itself and I will explain why
as well as
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 talk about the benefits of having rest.
To begin
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 with, not having the sufficient relaxation that
people
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 need to recharge their energy, leads to considerable damage to human health. Since long
work
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 hours sitting in front of a computer's screen, hearing orders all the
time
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, having the pressure of finishing the required tasks within the deadline, and the worst thing ever is having conflicts with other co-workers which may cause troubles in
work
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 progress, resulting in more stress.
For example
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, research held by specialists shows that affording employees more spare
time
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 to practice a hobby they like or get to exercise more, helps them to manage stress more effectively, and gain more power to accomplish twice their usual
work
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 achievements.
Moreover
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, individuals should invest more appropriate
time
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 in leisure activities to entertain themselves alongside
educate
Wrong verb form
educating
show examples
 them by gaining experiences in different areas. So, they may improve skills that can be useful in their occupation's field, or even better, skills that they learn to help commence their own business.
Additionally
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, recreational activities allow workers to balance
between
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their personal and professional lives, giving them more opportunities to spend more
time
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 beside their families and loved ones.
For instance
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, if
people
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 balance employment and household
time
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, they will be more delighted and hard-working because of the ease
as well as
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 the positivity they will get from their children. Another reason is if they see the returns of their job on having the ability to provide for their house's needs, they will put more effort into it as a sense of gratefulness.
To sum up
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, ensuring enough
time
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 to rest and gather strength can have substantial effects on both professional and personal, and any company should consider offering more free
time
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 to their employees because workers' happiness and comfort are what develop the company's accomplishments.

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task achievement
The essay presents a clear and thorough response to the task, fully addressing the prompt and providing relevant examples. To improve, consider incorporating even more diverse and detailed examples.
coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, the essay is well-structured with a logical flow and clear connections between ideas. However, be mindful of repetitive phrases and overuse of simple connectors like 'Moreover' and 'To begin with.' Try varying your transitions to enhance readability.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly sets the context and presents the writer's opinion effectively.
introduction conclusion present
Strong conclusion reiterates the main points and presents a compelling final thought.
logical structure
Well-structured paragraphs with clear topic sentences and supporting details.
supported main points
Good use of specific examples to illustrate points, making the argument more convincing.
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