IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The world should have only one government rather than a national government for each country. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#world #government #country #outweigh
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The authority is the body which handles the country. There are different governments for different nations and
hence
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 on
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
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basis
Add a comma
basis,
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 there is news of conflicts. In
such
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 circumstances an idea of having one government for the entire world as compared to an individual authority for every nation. I will discuss benefits and drawbacks with pertinent arguments in upcoming paragraphs and
thus
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 will lead to a logical conclusion at
last
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. To originate with, there are several advantages of having a single authority and the first and foremost benefit is there will be chances of quick decisions and the same rules and regulations worldwide. For a compatible example, to combat severe pandemics like
Covid-19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
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, it is as well to distribute the vaccine across the world without other decision barriers among nations.
Moreover
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, there will be less conflict for boundaries so the tension will be reduced and another benefit will be decrement in the budgets of defence and it will contribute
for upgrade
Change preposition
to upgrading
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 infrastructure
such
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 as hospital facilities, educational systems, business facilities and many more.
Additionally
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, there will be the same currency, policies and decisions for each nation so people will be expanding their businesses all over the world because of that which will make the business easier. Looking at the drawbacks side, one of the main cons is there will become a dictatorship in every nook and corner so public rights will be suppressed.
In addition
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 to that, there will be the same problem but different solutions. For a compatible instance, when there
will be
Wrong verb form
is
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 a problem between two countries, a single country believes that they can negotiate and bring a solution,
while
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 the other country thinks of war. To recapitulate, one central government for the entire planet cannot meet the individual needs of each nation.
Submitted by gauravkalathiya123 on

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Task Achievement
The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages, but the arguments are not fully developed. It could benefit from a more balanced examination of both sides of the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is somewhat unclear. The introduction lacks a clear thesis statement, and the conclusion is abrupt. Additionally, some supporting points are not fully developed, leading to a lack of cohesion.
Lexical Resource
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and uses a variety of sentence structures. However, there are instances of inappropriate word choices and some collocation errors.
Grammatical Range
The essay displays a reasonable command of grammatical structures and complex sentences. However, there are some errors in subject-verb agreement, articles, and word order that affect overall coherence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • centralized policies
  • international cooperation
  • global economy
  • trade barriers
  • military spending
  • authoritarian control
  • cultural diversity
  • national identities
  • local issues
  • homogenized
  • decision-making
  • democratic representation
  • world peacekeeping force
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