IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

some people believe that it is wrong to keep animals in zoos, while others think that zoos are both entertainment and ecological important. Discuss both views.

#people #animals #zoos #entertainment
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One of the social concerns today relates to the problem keep
animals
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 in
zoos
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.
While
Linking Words
 it is commonly suggested that it is wrong to keep
animals
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 in
zoos
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, others believe
zoos
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 are both entertainment and ecologically important (In my opinion, when
animals
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 are in
zoos
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, it will protect life safety and the development of everything. On the one hand, it is argued by some that
people
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 do wrong because they keep
animals
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 in
zoos
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 .
Firstly
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, keeping
animals
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 is behaviour wrong because the government have been promulgated laws that must not keep
animals
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 to protect
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animals'
Correct article usage
the animals'
show examples
environment
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.
For
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example
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, a lot of
people
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 keep
animals
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 to take advantage
them
Change preposition
of them
show examples
 find money and do a lot of personal benefits.
Secondly
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,
animals
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 won’t live in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 free
environment
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 to it develop.
For
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example
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, in the outside
environment
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animals
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 will go to many new free places but in the
zoos
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,
animals
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 must be under the control of
people
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, they won’t go to many new free places, lose their wild abilities, be far away from fellows, etc,
On the other hand
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,
firstly
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, it is strongly believed by others that
zoos
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 are places that earn extra income for
people
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. A particularly good
example
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 here is the zoo is a place for tourists to visit and experience including
people
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earn
Wrong verb form
earning
show examples
 very money and local tourism development.
Secondly
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, the zoo is a place to protect endangered
animals
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 away many bad guys.
For
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example
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, outside the
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environment
Add a comma
,environment
show examples
animals
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 can be kept from bad guys but in
zoos
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, they will be protected from
people
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 away many bad guys In conclusion, it is wrong to keep
animals
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 in
zoos
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, as
zoos
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 are both entertainment and ecologically important. Personally, I tend to believe that when
animals
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 are in
zoos
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, they will protect life safety and the development of everything.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

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Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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