IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people argue that technological inventions, such as mobile phones, are making people socially less interactive. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #inventions #phones
In the contemporary world, some schools of thought argue that some individuals are becoming awful at socializing because of their mobile devices. In my opinion, I strongly agree with
this
 argument because some population live sedentary lifestyles and become addicted to their mobile handsets
instead
 of regularly meeting physically with friends and family.
Firstly
, families have become over-reliant on their mobiles for basic activities
such
 as visiting a supermarket.
Moreover
, these days, devices are pre-installed with different applications for online shopping and sharing information with friends and colleagues.
This
 has made the public over-dependent on these gadgets to access online shops for groceries and other home utilities.
As a result
, they seldom go out for any meaningful interaction since they can shop online from their homes.
Furthermore
, there’s an increasing addiction to these hand phones for chatting and official communication.
Consequently
, it has become so bad that even in public gatherings, folks resort to sending messages via their mobile device to their contacts in the same room.
Also
, because it is easier to have a video call with friends and family, they have abandoned physical visits. Because of
this
 addiction, many cannot hold long conversations without glancing down to check their phone notifications at intervals. To curb
this
 menace, many restaurants have begun to ban the use of mobile handsets in their lounges as a way to encourage more healthy social interactions. In conclusion, mobiles have affected many societies' ability to socialize effectively,
thus
 leading them to become addicted and live sedentary lifestyles. New handphones should have pre-installed applications that can shut down for some time.
Thus
, helping many control how often they stay on their handsets.
Submitted by philipbay20 on

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task response
Ensure that the essay clearly addresses all aspects of the prompt. Provide a balanced argument and support the points with examples.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of ideas and ensure that there is a clear organization of the essay. Use linking words and cohesive devices effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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