IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Dos this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

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It is commonly known that a big part of the population works extensive shifts and
as a consequence
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 of that, they do not have time for pleasure. In
this
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 case, the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. I will provide the reasons in the ensuing paragraphs.
Although
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 working long hours has some benefits
such
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a
Change preposition
as a
show examples
better income,
as well as
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, a higher contribution to your retirement pension,
consequently
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 having an earlier retirement age and the opportunity of enjoying
life
Use synonyms
 without work commitments.
For instance
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, my mother retired at the age of 45 with the opportunity to do many activities and keep an extremely healthy
life
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.
However
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, it costs her the chance to enjoy precious times like my birthdays and my brother’s wedding.
Moreover
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, most of the society start working long hours a leave their passions on the side, leading to
health
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 problems,
such
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 as being overweight
due to
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 the lack of physical activity, or even in a worse situation ending with mental
health
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 illness.
For instance
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, many of my friends who have decided to live a luxurious
life
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 at the expense of their time, now are spending their money on expensive
health
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 treatment.
Furthermore
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,
costing
Verb problem
it caused
show examples
 his social
life
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 to end with just a few friends.
To sum up
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, working long shifts could bring some benefits like an earlier retirement.
However
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, it could be a really high cost,
such
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 as
health
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 problems,
as well as
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 losing the opportunity of good moments with your lovers.
Moreover
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, it can kill your social
life
Use synonyms
 ending up with no friends.

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task achievement
While the essay addresses the prompt and provides relevant examples, there is room for improvement in both clarity and comprehensiveness. Expand on how specific examples relate directly to your main points.
task achievement
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and sentence structure. A good grasp of complex sentence structures will improve the overall readability.
coherence cohesion
Work on the transitions between paragraphs and ideas to make the essay flow more smoothly. The use of cohesive devices can be improved.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion and your conclusion ties it back to the main points.
task achievement
Including personal anecdotes adds a strong touch, making your argument more relatable and persuasive.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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