Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Dos this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?
It is commonly known that a big part of the population works extensive shifts and
as a consequence
of that, they do not have time for pleasure. In this
case, the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. I will provide the reasons in the ensuing paragraphs.
Although
working long hours has some benefits such
a
better income, Change preposition
as a
as well as
, a higher contribution to your retirement pension, consequently
having an earlier retirement age and the opportunity of enjoying life
without work commitments. For instance
, my mother retired at the age of 45 with the opportunity to do many activities and keep an extremely healthy life
. However
, it costs her the chance to enjoy precious times like my birthdays and my brother’s wedding.
Moreover
, most of the society start working long hours a leave their passions on the side, leading to health
problems, such
as being overweight due to
the lack of physical activity, or even in a worse situation ending with mental health
illness. For instance
, many of my friends who have decided to live a luxurious life
at the expense of their time, now are spending their money on expensive health
treatment. Furthermore
, costing
his social Verb problem
it caused
life
to end with just a few friends.
To sum up
, working long shifts could bring some benefits like an earlier retirement. However
, it could be a really high cost, such
as health
problems, as well as
losing the opportunity of good moments with your lovers. Moreover
, it can kill your social life
ending up with no friends.Submitted by jimeilaria on
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task achievement
While the essay addresses the prompt and provides relevant examples, there is room for improvement in both clarity and comprehensiveness. Expand on how specific examples relate directly to your main points.
task achievement
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and sentence structure. A good grasp of complex sentence structures will improve the overall readability.
coherence cohesion
Work on the transitions between paragraphs and ideas to make the essay flow more smoothly. The use of cohesive devices can be improved.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion and your conclusion ties it back to the main points.
task achievement
Including personal anecdotes adds a strong touch, making your argument more relatable and persuasive.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic
IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.
Answer structure for the type of essay
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – advantages
- Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- The main advantage is...
- The disadvantage of this...
- The main benefit...
- Despite these advantages...
- One possible drawback...