Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Dos this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?
It is commonly known that a big part of the population works extensive shifts and
as a consequence
of that, they do not have time for pleasure. In Linking Words
this
case, the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. I will provide the reasons in the ensuing paragraphs.
Linking Words
Although
working long hours has some benefits Linking Words
such
Linking Words
a
better income, Change preposition
as a
as well as
, a higher contribution to your retirement pension, Linking Words
consequently
having an earlier retirement age and the opportunity of enjoying Linking Words
life
without work commitments. Use synonyms
For instance
, my mother retired at the age of 45 with the opportunity to do many activities and keep an extremely healthy Linking Words
life
. Use synonyms
However
, it costs her the chance to enjoy precious times like my birthdays and my brother’s wedding.
Linking Words
Moreover
, most of the society start working long hours a leave their passions on the side, leading to Linking Words
health
problems, Use synonyms
such
as being overweight Linking Words
due to
the lack of physical activity, or even in a worse situation ending with mental Linking Words
health
illness. Use synonyms
For instance
, many of my friends who have decided to live a luxurious Linking Words
life
at the expense of their time, now are spending their money on expensive Use synonyms
health
treatment. Use synonyms
Furthermore
, Linking Words
costing
his social Verb problem
it caused
life
to end with just a few friends.
Use synonyms
To sum up
, working long shifts could bring some benefits like an earlier retirement. Linking Words
However
, it could be a really high cost, Linking Words
such
as Linking Words
health
problems, Use synonyms
as well as
losing the opportunity of good moments with your lovers. Linking Words
Moreover
, it can kill your social Linking Words
life
ending up with no friends.Use synonyms
Submitted by jimeilaria on
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task achievement
While the essay addresses the prompt and provides relevant examples, there is room for improvement in both clarity and comprehensiveness. Expand on how specific examples relate directly to your main points.
task achievement
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and sentence structure. A good grasp of complex sentence structures will improve the overall readability.
coherence cohesion
Work on the transitions between paragraphs and ideas to make the essay flow more smoothly. The use of cohesive devices can be improved.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion and your conclusion ties it back to the main points.
task achievement
Including personal anecdotes adds a strong touch, making your argument more relatable and persuasive.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic
IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.
Answer structure for the type of essay
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – advantages
- Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- The main advantage is...
- The disadvantage of this...
- The main benefit...
- Despite these advantages...
- One possible drawback...