IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The most effective way to make crime rates go down is by giving the police more power. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

It is a common belief that making the
police
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 have more
power
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 is not the most effective
way
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 to decrease
crime
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rates
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.
People
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 who think in that
way
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 would say that campaigns or education will be a more effective
way
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 to let
crime
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rates
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 decline.
However
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, there is a more persuasive argument that giving the
police
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 more
power
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 is the most effective
way
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 to prevent
crime
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.
To begin
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 with, in one's psychological aspect,
people
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 tend to react to disadvantages that they would face when they commit crimes.
Therefore
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, if the
police
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 have more
power
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 that allows the
police
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 to use various ways to control criminals,
such
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 as higher fees, or direct attacks by electric guns,
people
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 are afraid of those disadvantages and would not commit crimes for that reason. On top of that, in a practical aspect, if a government employ more
policeman
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 and try to ensure their social status,
people
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 meet
policeman
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 more often in daily life and consider the
policeman
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's
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 as a more significant action. So to give the
police
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 more
power
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 by employing much and making their status higher would lead to low
crime
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rates
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. For these reasons, I recommend making more powerful
police
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 for lowering
crime
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rates
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. When the
police
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 have many means of controlling
people
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 and many policemen who have high social status are often seen in daily life,
people
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 would not commit
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crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
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 as they don't want to get through any disadvantages that the
policeman
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 makes.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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