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Writing Samples /
Band 7

Many children these days face difficulties to concentrate or pay attention at school. What are the causes of this situation? What could be the possible solutions?

#children #face #difficulties #attention #school #situation
With the average attention span in
children
 declining, it gets difficult for them to focus on classes at school. And with the flawed curriculum and short-form content dominating social media, the problem only worsens over time.
This
 essay will cover the causes and suggest possible solutions to the problem. Nowadays,
children
 have the lowest average attention span in history. One cause of
this
 is social media, promoting short and attention-grabbing videos, resulting in much social media addiction.
Moreover
, a strict schedule
also
 impacts the student's concentration. Based on research, students studying for long periods perform worse than those with fewer classes. They often lose focus by the third hour of their study, meaning classes after that are utterly useless.
In addition
, because of bad academic performances, parents often sign up for extra tuition and confiscate phones from their
children
 as a form of punishment.
As a result
, it backfires as they crave time on their phones, reverting to scrolling for countless hours. One solution for
this
 is encouraging them to explore new interests and take time off from their studies. Studies have shown that hobbies help with building focus and extending their knowledge.
Furthermore
, in the best country academically, Finland, students have independence over their courses and schedules, emphasizing experience over knowledge. A lighter schedule
also
 results in better health and well-being of the students. In conclusion, parents should encourage taking breaks from studying for
children
,
following
Correct word choice
and following
show examples
 their passion and hobbies.
And
Correct word choice
This
show examples
this
 will help rebuild their attention span, which results in a healthy and competent person ready for the future.
Submitted by nashaponpotapohn on

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task achievement
Expand on the introduction to provide a clearer overview of what the essay will cover. Adding a sentence that previews the main points can enhance clarity.
task achievement
Consider adding more specific statistical data or studies to support the argument regarding social media's impact and Finland's educational system.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that your points are logically developed and well-supported. This will strengthen the essay's overall coherence.
coherence and cohesion
In your conclusion, briefly summarize the main points discussed in the essay before offering your final thoughts. This reinforces the key arguments for the reader.
coherence and cohesion
The essay starts with a clear introduction that presents the issue and indicates the discussion in the following paragraphs, maintaining good coherence.
task achievement
The use of relevant examples to illustrate the causes of children's reduced attention span, such as the impact of social media and Finland's education system, enhances the reader's understanding.
coherence and cohesion
The essay maintains a clear and logical structure throughout, with distinct paragraphs for causes and solutions.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • technological distractions
  • overloaded curriculum
  • nutritional deficiencies
  • sleep deprivation
  • learning disorders
  • stress and anxiety
  • implementation
  • reform
  • promote
  • policy
  • adequate
  • specialized support
  • resources
  • mindfulness
  • meditation
  • time management
  • screen time
  • cognitive function
  • attention span
  • memory retention
  • consistent sleep schedule
  • extracurricular activities
  • academic expectations
What to do next:
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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