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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that children should spend all of their free time with their families. Others believe that this ia unnecessary or even negative. Discuss the possible arguments on both sides, and say which side you personally support.

#people #children #time #families #ia #arguments #side #support
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Many people believe that
children
 have their golden age period.
This
 happens during their early stage of life. The way they spend
time
 during
this
 era will influence their personal growth in the future.
Therefore
, whom they spent
time
 with and how they spent
time
 become the most significant questions to be answered. On the one hand, spending
time
 with their family is a great practice for
children
. Doing activities
such
 as travelling or playing
together with
 parents could strengthen family bonding. Recent research stated that
children
 who spend most of their
time
 with family, most likely become open and honest individuals.
This
 is because they've felt appreciated and loved since their childhood.
On the other hand
, spending too little
time
 with people outside their relatives will
also
 have a negative effect.
Children
 might feel awkward when they need to socialize with their peers
due to
 a lack of social interaction in daily life.
Additionally
,
this
 can
also
 influence the
children
's ability to have confidence in public speaking. In conclusion, the more
children
 spend
time
 doing positive activities with meaningful people, the more they will have good memories, which can help them thrive in the future.
This
 will enrich their experiences and broaden their perspectives. I personally support parents to become more flexible with their
children
's schedules.
For example
: Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday are for playing with friends; Thursday and Friday are for learning
time
, and the rest of the week would be spent with the family.
Submitted by brendaandrina on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction could be slightly clearer in stating the controversy and setting up both sides of the argument. Consider directly mentioning the two perspectives being discussed.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to reinforce the points made, especially in the second body paragraph. This will help to better illustrate the arguments being discussed.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to keep the essay engaging. While the current language is clear, a bit more complexity could enhance the overall quality.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion summarizing the discussion while giving a personal perspective.
task achievement
Main points are supported with relevant arguments, making the essay comprehensive and logical.
task achievement
The conclusion effectively provides a balanced view and offers a concrete example of how parents can manage their children's schedules.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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