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Band 7

Many people around the world spend the majority of their free time at home watching TV shows. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this situation?

#people #world #majority #time #home #tv #situation
It is known that most
folks
 spend their leisure
time
 watching
TV
 shows,
due to
 the modern age we live in, technology has evolved over
time
 giving us a number of new facilities to use, like watching
TV
 shows at home, the opportunity
that is
 ancestors did not have. In
this
 essay, I will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of spending too much of your leisure
time
 on
TV
 shows.
Firstly
, numerous people prefer to stay at home to watch
television
 than go out, as they consider
this
 activity to be relaxing and comfortable for them,
also
folks
 affirm watching
television
 can
also
 be a way to learn new things.
For example
, most of the people who spend their
time
 on
television
 confess they learned a number of new facts from documentaries or from cooking shows which helped them to develop new skills.
Secondly
, spending too much
time
 on
TV
 shows can lead to diseases or depression,
folks
 who spend too much of their
time
 at home forget to socialize with other people,
therefore
 they lock themselves in their houses forgetting about the real world.
For example
,
folks
 tend to become
obsess
Change the form of the verb
obsessed
show examples
 with their
TV
 shows
as a result
 they care less about other healthy, productive activities. All of
this
 leads to a solidarity life, as the individual can have mental health issues. In conclusion, spending your leisure
time
 on
television
 depends on each person and on what they choose to watch as some
TV
 shows can be beneficial for the community,
while
 others are destructive and cause dependence which can destroy the mental health of a human being.
Submitted by annaungureanu794 on

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task achievement
Consider starting your essays with a more concise and clear thesis statement that summarizes the main points you will discuss. This can help guide the reader and ensure that your essay stays focused.
task achievement
Try to develop your points more fully and provide more detail in your examples. This will help to strengthen your arguments and provide more concrete evidence for your claims.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between your ideas. Use transitional phrases and linking words more effectively to guide the reader through your key points.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively sets up the topic and provides background information, which helps to engage the reader.
complete response
You present both advantages and disadvantages clearly, showing a balanced view of the topic.
clear comprehensive ideas
You made relevant points about how TV shows can be educational as well as detrimental to social interaction and health, which are pertinent to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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