IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals;during festival periods,people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves.To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that
festivals
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 are losing their religious meaning and that
festivals
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 are celebrated for the purpose of enjoyment.I believe that enjoying the process of
holidays
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 is now the most important
while
Linking Words
 I still suppose that a few
people
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 still know the original meaning of
festivals
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. On the one hand,religious and traditional
festivals
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 are used for fun.In the UK and in other developed countries the Christmas holiday can be the best example of
this
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.
People
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 mostly tend to buy gifts, decorate their homes and enjoy their
holidays
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.Most
people
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 celebrate Christmas as a holiday by spending their time for fun ,rather than concentrating on their beliefs.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,I didn’t agree that traditional
holidays
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has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been forgotten.
For example
Linking Words
,in the UK,students from primary schools study religious lessons in
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
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 and reasons
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
why they have to celebrate
festivals
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.It is true that parents
also
Linking Words
 play
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
 role
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their children’s knowledge about religious and traditional
festivals
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.In early
ages
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,ages
show examples
 parents can encourage their children to celebrate
festivals
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 by telling them stories about their religion. In conclusion,
people
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 can celebrate
holidays
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 for fun,but they
still
Add a missing verb
are still
show examples
 aware of these celebrations.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Commercialization
  • Globalization
  • Cultural dilution
  • Traditional values
  • Secularization
  • Festivity
  • Heritage
  • Individualism vs. collectivism
  • Consumer culture
  • Intangible cultural heritage
What to do next:
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