IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

The graph below shows how money was spent on different forms of entertainment over a five year period. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows how money was spent on different forms of entertainment over a five year period. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The topic of motivation for work has merely failed to be discussed. Someone elaborate that the most significant factor is
money
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 others suppose it is not. As far as I am concerned,
although
Linking Words
money
Use synonyms
 is of great importance, it cannot always be the most valuable one. A comparison
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the way
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 was spent on various types of entertainment activities in the USA when compared to Europe and Asia in 1995 and 2000 is depicted in the given chart.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the
money
Use synonyms
 which Americans spent on entertainment was far higher than the two
regions
Use synonyms
 in both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
years. As per the chart, publishing was the area where
money
Use synonyms
 was spent significantly in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
three
regions
Use synonyms
 in both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
years. In 2000, out of the total $257
billion
Use synonyms
, the expenditure of Americans on publications was nearly $120
billion
Use synonyms
, which was approximately $30
billion
Use synonyms
 more than in 1995, when they spent a gross $184
billion
Use synonyms
 on entertainment. The next area of spending was on TV. In 1995, around 25 to 30
billion
Use synonyms
 dollars were spent in Asia and Europe for
this
Linking Words
 purpose,
while
Linking Words
 in the USA;
this
Linking Words
 was nearly $50
billion
Use synonyms
. The spending proportions climbed in all the
regions
Use synonyms
, with
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 having
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
exceptional growth to hit
$
Correct article usage
the $
show examples
100
billion
Use synonyms
 mark. Music, video and cinema were the areas where the spending was done comparatively less in these three
regions
Use synonyms
 in both years at an average of 20 to 50
billion
Use synonyms
 dollars. Of
this
Linking Words
, music was the most preferred,
while
Linking Words
 cinema was the least preferred.rather than pressure.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words money, regions, billion with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: