Some say that sports play an important role in society. Others, however, think that it is nothing more than a leisure activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#say #sports #role #society #leisure #activity

Some

people

argue that

sports

are essential in

society

whereas

others believe that

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

can only offer

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

relaxation.

This

essay will explain both opinions and why I believe that taking

sports

is fundamentally essential to maintain

health

condition. On the one hand, one of the reasons why

people

argue that

sports

are just a leisure activity is because

one

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

such

as golf and horse riding are less tiring compared to other types of

sports

Consequently

society

often thinks that it offers nothing

than

Correct quantifier usage

more than

show examples

relaxation and

only

Add a missing verb

is only

show examples

considered

Change preposition

apply

show examples

a part of

lifestyle

Add an article

the lifestyle

a lifestyle

show examples

. Another reason to support the arguments is

due to

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the fact that most

sports

activities

require

people

to pay for

the

Correct article usage

show examples

subscription.

For example

, the price for bowling and ice skating tends to be more expensive, which can heavily limit the

sports

to several groups of

people

As a result

people

with lower social standing

unable

Add a missing verb

are unable

show examples

to afford those

activities

, and it is possible for them to see

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

sports

as only regular hobbies.

On the other hand

, despite the aforementioned arguments,

sports

are important for two reasons.

Firstly

, regular

sports

activities

can help to

increase

health

conditions as the movements tend to burn some calories, which positively impacts the

bodies

Fix the agreement mistake

body

show examples

Although

its level is not as heavy as lifting, taking regular cardio

such

as swimming, running, or hiking can result in several benefits, especially in reducing fats and weights.

As a result

, it will

less

Add a missing verb

be less

show examples

likely for these

people

to get sick, resulting in a healthier

society

Secondly

, modern

sports

activities

can potentially

increase

well-being and mental

health

condition

Fix the agreement mistake

conditions

show examples

since they can establish a positive community.

For example

people

are not only taking yoga and pilates for their

health

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

to relieve stress as they build a healthy

friendship

Fix the agreement mistake

friendships

show examples

along the way with the trainer and fellow members.

Consequently

, they can effectively aim for work-life balance,

as well as

get the benefits to

increase

their

health

records. In conclusion, despite the arguments of how

sports

are only a form of relaxation, I would argue that

sports

are beneficial since they can

increase

physical and mental

health

Furthermore

, I remain convinced that

society

should pursue more

sports

due to

the potential benefits that it offers.

Submitted by ritanurhasanah36 on Wed May 10 2023

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

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‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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14Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

369 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

social fabric
fostering
community spirit
health and wellness
national pride
leisure activity
entertainment
unwind
economic impact
generating jobs
boosting tourism
stimulating local economies
negative aspects
risk of injuries
pressure on young athletes
doping
corruption
essential societal component
responsible management
promoting
significant
merely
contributing
progress
acknowledging
value
emphasizing
balance

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Some say that sports play an important role in society. Others, however, think that it is nothing more than a leisure activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Formal examinations are the only effective way to assess a student’s performance. Continual assessment such as coursework and projects is not a satisfactory way to do this. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

It is now possible for scientists and tourists to travel to remote natural environment, such as the South Pole. What are advantages and disadvantages of this development?