The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum

#people #strain #health #care #system #education #lessons #school #curriculum

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Owing to the problem which the growing population of overweight causes to the health care system,some people think that a key to solving

this

issue is to have more sports and physical activities in school education.I completely agree with

this

statement as it is the best way to tackle

this

issue of deteriorating public health in relation to weight. First and the foremost solution to the problem surrounding weight and obesity is to inculcate more sports and physical activities in the school curriculum.

This

is a long-term approach and ensures that the new generation will be healthier and more active.If one sport for each student

will be

Wrong verb form

show examples

made compulsory

then

they will start developing their interest in

such

exercises and even accept them as their hobbies.

this

will undoubtedly make them fitter and

smart

Correct word choice

smarter

show examples

. Another solution to be considered is to provide more sports lessons to pupils and encourage them to take part in events

such

as game competitions and races.

As a result

of it, they will adopt a congenial lifestyle and acquire some useful skills

such

as sportsmanship , teamwork, and leadership qualities.

Moreover

, children who participate in events

also

encourage their parents to do regular exercises and workouts.

Thus

,parents with sporty children will more contribute to forming a healthier society.

Furthermore

, the involvement of parents and pupils can

also

be increased by introducing yoga classes for both in school . In a nutshell, dealing with the unfit population

, Changing

Correct your spelling

and changing

the lifestyle of the coming generation by adding more physical exercise is the easiest and most effective method.

Submitted by mmehakbatth on Wed May 10 2023

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph is clearly focused on a single main point and use transition words to connect ideas throughout the essay.

task achievement

Make sure to address the specific requirements of the task, providing clear and relevant examples to support your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

256 words

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The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In many countries today, everyday necessities like food and petrol have become very expensive. What factors may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, can/should be done about it?Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Many people around the world use social media to keep in touch with other people and get new events. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

When asked to choose between a life without work and working most of the time, people would always choose not to work. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to only be meant for adults. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes, and what solutions can be offered.