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Writing Samples
Band 4

The chart above shows information about various professions in the U.K. and their salaries. The table shows the average working hours per week for each profession

The chart above shows information about various professions in the U.K. and their salaries. The table shows the average working hours per week for each profession
#information #professions #k #salaries #hours #week #profession
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The graphs elucidate the salary gaps between new
commers
Correct your spelling
comers
 and experienced workers in four professions in the UK,
along with
Linking Words
 it, the average working length in various job positions respectively.
Overall
Linking Words
, underground drivers are the most profitable
porfessions
Correct your spelling
professions
professionals
profession
 among others,
while
Linking Words
 nurses
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 for the lowest payments.
In contrast
Linking Words
, underground
driver
Fix the agreement mistake
drivers
show examples
 have the most leisure time
while
Linking Words
 firefighters spent the most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
time on
work
Use synonyms
 compared to others.
The most
Correct article usage
Most
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
professions indicate 1000
pound
Use synonyms
 salary differences between people with three years
working
Change preposition
of working
show examples
 experienced and those who just started, except
police
Correct article usage
the police
show examples
, in which the former earned 2000
pound
Use synonyms
 more than the latter. On top of that, underground drivers could
earned
Change the verb form
earn
show examples
 up to 51000
Use synonyms
pound
Change to a plural noun
pounds
show examples
 as the highest, which is two times more than nurses, at 19000
Use synonyms
pound
Change to a plural noun
pounds
show examples
. Reversely, underground drivers who earn the most among others, only
work
Use synonyms
 36 hours per week,
while
Linking Words
 firefighters spent 55 hours on
work
Use synonyms
 per week. Despite nurses earn the least,
however
Linking Words
, they only
work
Use synonyms
 38 hours per week,
Submitted by unapoya0916 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words work, pound with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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