IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Children are facing more pressure nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspective. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

#children #pressure #perspective #pressures #measures
Children
 are facing more
pressure
 nowadays than ever before.
This
pressure
 comes from a variety of sources, including the academic, social, and commercial worlds. One of the biggest sources of
pressure
 for
children
 is the academic
world
. In today's competitive society,
parents
 and teachers are putting a lot of
pressure
 on
children
 to succeed academically.
This
pressure
 can lead to stress, anxiety, and even depression. Another source of
pressure
 for
children
 is the social
world
.
Children
 are constantly being bombarded with messages about how they should look, act, and dress.
This
pressure
 can lead to low self-esteem and body image issues.
Finally
,
children
 are
also
 facing
pressure
 from the commercial
world
.
Children
 are constantly being targeted by advertising campaigns that try to convince them that they need to buy certain products in order to be happy and successful.
This
pressure
 can lead to materialism and consumerism. There are a number of things that can be done to reduce the
pressure
 on
children
. One important thing is for
parents
 to set realistic expectations for their
children
.
Parents
 should not put too much
pressure
 on their
children
 to succeed academically or socially. It is
also
 important for
parents
 to teach their
children
 about the importance of self-esteem and body image. Schools can
also
 play a role in reducing the
pressure
 on
children
. Schools should focus on teaching
children
 how to learn and think critically, rather than just memorizing facts. Schools should
also
 create a positive and supportive environment where
children
 feel comfortable taking risks and making mistakes.
Finally
, the commercial
world
 needs to do more to protect
children
 from advertising. Governments need to introduce stricter regulations on advertising
that is
 targeted at
children
. Businesses need to be more responsible in the way they market their products to
children
. By taking these steps, we can help to reduce the
pressure
 on
children
 and give them the chance to enjoy a happy and healthy childhood.
Submitted by rimkahan8 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: