IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

More and more people in developing countries are purchasing cars for the first time. What problems does this cause? What do you think are possible solutions?

An increasing number of
people
Use synonyms
 in developing nations are buying vehicles for the first time. The primary problem of
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon is an increase in disposable income in those countries, and the most viable solution is to educate their young
people
Use synonyms
 about
this
Linking Words
 issue. The most obvious problem associated with the
increasing
Replace the word
increase
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 car ownership is the significant rise in
traffic
Use synonyms
 jams.
That is
Linking Words
 to say that the streets in low-income countries are often not prepared for a huge number of cars.
For example
Linking Words
, the men and women who are living in India are complaining about
traffic
Use synonyms
 congestion because their government can't afford to pay for better streets just yet.
This
Linking Words
 results in employees being late for their daily jobs.
Therefore
Linking Words
, their salaries might be deducted, or even the issue will reach dismissal if it has been repeated. A long-term solution to
this
Linking Words
 predicament is to educate young
people
Use synonyms
 about the dangers of
traffic
Use synonyms
 buildups. Children in schools could be taught about how to reduce
traffic
Use synonyms
 delays and encouraged to use bicycles
instead
Linking Words
 of automobiles. They are
also
Linking Words
 likely to teach their parents about the things they learned at school, and adults will
also
Linking Words
 be influenced by
this
Linking Words
 initiative.
For example
Linking Words
, school children in Al-Bashaer National School were taught about the consequences of gridlocks and how to help the community to avoid them. In conclusion, many humans in emerging economies started to own their first motor vehicles, resulting in a huge number of
people
Use synonyms
 who have had some trouble with their jobs
due to
Linking Words
traffic
Use synonyms
 holdups, and the best way to curb
this
Linking Words
 dilemma is to teach the public how to use their cars more responsibly.

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task achievement
Introduce more clear examples and explanations to support your main points.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words to connect your ideas better and improve the flow of your writing.
coherence and cohesion
Try to add a more varied sentence structure to make your writing more engaging.
task achievement
You have clearly identified problems and possible solutions, showing good understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your structure includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which is commendable.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • traffic congestion
  • carbon emissions
  • air pollution
  • climate change
  • fuel prices
  • imported oil
  • road maintenance
  • public transportation
  • economic inequality
  • societal divide
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