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Writing Samples
Band 8

Many students like to get involved in extra- curricular activities at university such as social clubs and sports. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

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Participation in extracurricular
programs
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, including social clubs and sports, is common among university
students
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.
Although
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 these
activities
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 offer numerous benefits, they
also
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 come with certain drawbacks.
Initially
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, the foremost benefit of engaging in extracurricular
programs
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 is the development of essential skills. By participating in group
activities
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 during extracurricular periods,
students
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 have opportunities to develop, enhance, and apply their soft skills,
such
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 as communication, teamwork, and leadership. These skills are important for success both during and after graduation.
For example
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, stress resilience helps
students
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 manage academic pressure, particularly during exams,
while
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 time management enables them to balance their workload and reduce performance anxiety.
Additionally
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, undergraduates can expand their social networks and gain more opportunities through mentors. Joining clubs and sports teams helps
students
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 meet new people and build a professional network. Making new friends makes university life more enjoyable, as
students
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 can share leisure
activities
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 and collaborate on academic projects, creating lasting memories.
Furthermore
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,
students
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 can learn from their peers' strengths and seek support to address their own knowledge gaps.
However
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, there are drawbacks if
students
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 focus too much on extracurricular
activities
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.
Firstly
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, overcommitting to extracurricular schedules can lead to burnout and exhaustion, potentially impairing academic performance.
For example
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, a highly competitive environment in extracurricular
programs
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 may cause unnecessary stress and require
students
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 to exert extra effort to keep up with their peers.
Secondly
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, extracurricular
programs
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 often involve membership fees, equipment, or travel expenses, which can be a financial burden for some
students
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 and their families, especially those with limited resources.
To conclude
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, even though participation in extracurricular
programs
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 offers significant benefits, including skill development, enhanced social networking, and valuable opportunities, it presents challenges, including potential burnout, excessive stress, and financial burdens.
Therefore
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, it is crucial for
students
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 to balance their academic responsibilities with their extracurricular commitments. By doing so, they can maximize the advantages of these
activities
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 and minimize their drawbacks, ensuring a well-rounded and fulfilling university experience.

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task achievement
Consider diversifying your examples to provide a wider range of perspectives. This would make your argument stronger and more relatable to different readers.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a variety of sentence structures to keep the essay dynamically engaging. Currently, the sentence structures are appropriate but could benefit from more complexity in certain areas.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and concise introduction and conclusion that encapsulate the main points discussed effectively.
coherence cohesion
Main points are well-supported and the organization of ideas flows logically, making it easy for readers to follow the argument.

Your opinion

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If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • interpersonal skills
  • teamwork
  • networking
  • time management
  • physical fitness
  • stress reduction
  • commitment
  • diverse interests
  • distraction
  • academic performance
  • overcommitment
  • burnout
  • financial strain
  • exclusivity
  • discrimination
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