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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young aults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #aults #people #situation
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It is true that in some countries the percentage of the young generation is more than the older generation these days. And there are some advantages and disadvantages in
this
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situation
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. There are some benefits for the countries that the number of young
people
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are
Change the verb form
is
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 more than older
people
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. The biggest
differences
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difference
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among
Change preposition
between
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 young and older
people
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 is that young
people
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 have more
energy
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 leads to being more active. Young
people
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 with their
energy
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 do their tasks faster and more effectively.
Moreover
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, we can see that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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growth in many fields might happen
due to
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 their
energy
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.
For instance
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, in
jobs
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 that require physical activity
such
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 as civil engineering
people
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 have to have enough
energy
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 to finish
jobs
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 very fast, so, in some situations like
this
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 younger
people
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 can finish
jobs
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 faster than older
people
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.
However
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, there are some drawbacks in that
situation
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 like
Correct quantifier usage
such, lack
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of
experience
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. Lack of
experience
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 is
the
Correct article usage
a
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 vital drawback that young
people
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 have, compared with older
people
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. Often young
people
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 cannot see all aspects of some decisions, and when they make a decision it might have irreversible consequences. But older
people
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 with their
experience
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 evaluate decisions in all aspects,
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then
Correct word choice
and then
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 they make a decision. So, when a young adult does some
jobs
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 without
experience
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 it might cause serious damage or loss financially. In conclusion, nowadays the population of young adults in some nations is more than elderly individuals.
Thus
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, there are some advantages and disadvantages in that
situation
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. And I think the benefits of
this
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situation
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 outweigh the drawbacks.
Submitted by shahab_e2020 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • vibrant workforce
  • productive
  • innovative spirit
  • technological advancements
  • market changes
  • educational investment
  • tailored
  • evolving job market
  • economic growth
  • drivers of consumption
  • entrepreneurship
  • social challenges
  • strain
  • competition
  • underemployment
  • aging population
  • healthcare and pension systems
  • cultural gap
  • generational gaps
  • lifestyle choices
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