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Band 6.5

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young aults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #aults #people #situation
It is true that in some countries the percentage of the young generation is more than the older generation these days. And there are some advantages and disadvantages in
this
situation
. There are some benefits for the countries that the number of young
people
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 more than older
people
. The biggest
differences
Fix the agreement mistake
difference
show examples
among
Change preposition
between
show examples
 young and older
people
 is that young
people
 have more
energy
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 leads to being more active. Young
people
 with their
energy
 do their tasks faster and more effectively.
Moreover
, we can see that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
growth in many fields might happen
due to
 their
energy
.
For instance
, in
jobs
 that require physical activity
such
 as civil engineering
people
 have to have enough
energy
 to finish
jobs
 very fast, so, in some situations like
this
 younger
people
 can finish
jobs
 faster than older
people
.
However
, there are some drawbacks in that
situation
 like
Correct quantifier usage
such, lack
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
experience
. Lack of
experience
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 vital drawback that young
people
 have, compared with older
people
. Often young
people
 cannot see all aspects of some decisions, and when they make a decision it might have irreversible consequences. But older
people
 with their
experience
 evaluate decisions in all aspects,
then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
 they make a decision. So, when a young adult does some
jobs
 without
experience
 it might cause serious damage or loss financially. In conclusion, nowadays the population of young adults in some nations is more than elderly individuals.
Thus
, there are some advantages and disadvantages in that
situation
. And I think the benefits of
this
situation
 outweigh the drawbacks.
Submitted by shahab_e2020 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • vibrant workforce
  • productive
  • innovative spirit
  • technological advancements
  • market changes
  • educational investment
  • tailored
  • evolving job market
  • economic growth
  • drivers of consumption
  • entrepreneurship
  • social challenges
  • strain
  • competition
  • underemployment
  • aging population
  • healthcare and pension systems
  • cultural gap
  • generational gaps
  • lifestyle choices
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