IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Government investments in the arts such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Government must invest this money in public services instead. Do you agree or disagree?

#government #investments #arts #music #theatre #waste #money #services
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There are diverse opinions about government expenditure on creative arts including
music
Use synonyms
 and theatre as a misplaced priority that
such
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 funds should be channelled to the public sector. I agree with
this
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 because more significant public services like health, security and education are calling for urgent attention.
This
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 essay shall be expatiated
further
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 and be supported with relevant examples in the subsequent paragraphs. On one hand, when the hospital is not well staffed and equipped
due to
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 lack of funding since the money
that is
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 supposed to be spent on
this
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 has been sacrificed for creativity is a misplaced priority.
For instance
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, it is when an individual is healthy and in the right frame of mind that he or she can think of listening to
music
Use synonyms
, watching movies or going to the theatre.
In addition
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, education is the bedrock of any society that needs appropriation of resources because there will be many setbacks for
this
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 sector when it is denied the required funding.
Furthermore
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, the security of lives and property is a major issue that needs adequate attention from the government.
Moreover
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, other social amenities like potable water, electricity, adequate housing, a good road network, affordable schools and many others are essential for the survival of the people in the country.
On the other hand
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,
music
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 and entertainment can be beneficial to some people.
For example
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 , it is a source of livelihood for some individuals.
Also
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, senior citizens and people recuperating from illnesses can enjoy listening to
music
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 or watching movies but the government should not neglect other sectors because of
this
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. In conclusion, a healthy person is a healthy nation and it is when an individual is having good health that he / she can think of leisure or
music
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.
Also
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, without security, no one can go to the cinema to watch movies. So I strongly agree that the state should channel its resources into other public services other than leisure activities.
Submitted by oludayotemilade on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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