IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today more people are overweight than ever before .What in your opinion are the primary causes of this ? What are the main effects of this epidemic?

#people #effects #epidemic
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In recent time, Excessive
body
 fat
have
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has
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 been noticed in some individuals .
This
 is often caused by eating large amounts of processed or fast
food
 and drinking too much
alcohol
, which 
bring
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brings
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 about
high
Correct article usage
a high
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 morbidity rate and
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
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 in health problems.
This
 essay will discuss more about the above points and
logical
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a logical
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 conclusion will be drawn in the subsequent paragraphs.
To begin
 with,The main cause of obesity is consuming fast
food
. Processed
meal
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meals
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are always altered in some way during preparation and they are often associated with unhealthy levels of added sugar,sodium and fat .People nowadays prefer eating out
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
due to
 their tight schedules or laziness to cook.
For instance
 ,a Doctor who covers
24hours
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24-hour
 call duty and still
have
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has
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 to resume duty that same morning for his day duty got home tired without having anything to eat at home ,he moved out to get
food
 from
nearby
Add an article
a nearby
the nearby
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 restaurant and
this
 continues for about a month definitely sugar,sodium and fat will continue to store up in his
body
 and
this
 will lead to accumulation of  excess fats in the
body
 . Moreso, Another cause is
excessive
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the excessive
an excessive
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 intake of
alcohol
 ,it has become rampant among individuals these days meanwhile, many people count
alcohol
 intake as part of enjoyment or a way of eradicating depression .
Thus
 ,it causes more harm than good by building up high calories in the
body
 and some
heath
Correct your spelling
health
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 issues can arise
such
 as high blood pressure, heart disease, stroke, liver disease, and digestive problems.
For instance
, A 25year old man  who was influenced by his peers became addicted to taking
of
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apply
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alcohol
everyday
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every day
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 and a few months later he developed some health issues associated with excessive fat
due to
 the high calories present in
alcohol
.
To conclude
with
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apply
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,Consuming processed
food
 and taking too much
of
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apply
show examples
alcohol
 are driving
force
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forces
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 of Obesity nowadays  and
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 bring about
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 in morbidity rate and serious health problems .
Submitted by oludayotemilade on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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