IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Animals should not be used for the benefit of human beings unless there is evidence that the animals do not suffer in any way. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#animals #benefit #beings #evidence
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Human beings are one species of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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animals
Use synonyms
 in general - primates. We
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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 are distinguished and classified compared to others
as a result
Linking Words
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the evolution of cognitive ability over time. So as to that point, in my view, it is better to not use other
animals
Use synonyms
 for our
benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
show examples
, unless it is proved that the
animals
Use synonyms
 do not suffer in any way. The major reason why
animals
Use synonyms
 should be treated well is that it is very inhumane if we kill
animals
Use synonyms
 for our own sake.
Animals
Use synonyms
 have
the
Correct article usage
apply
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feeling and
soul
Fix the agreement mistake
souls
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,
thus
Linking Words
 they definitely can sense their death and feel the pain when they experienced the process of slaughtering cattle.
For example
Linking Words
, I have seen a cow dropping his tears in the
cownhouse
Correct your spelling
townhouse
cowhouse
 when he felt he was going to be knocked off later. We have fought for many kinds of
equalities
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equality
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 like woman's
right
Fix the agreement mistake
rights
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, but rarely done for
animals
Use synonyms
. Another one is that many species are endangered to fulfil mankind's needs like food, fashions, scientific study, and so on. Experts reveal that the population of rhinos in Africa has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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drastically declined over the past few decades because of poaching for their horns which is believed to have the benefit of improving people's immune system and it is estimated few
hundreds
Correct your spelling
hundred
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 of them are now still alive. Any disappearance of any
animals
Use synonyms
 will have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 negative effect
to
Change preposition
on
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 the ecosystem which is very
strong
Replace the word
strongly
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 correlated to
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
 sustainability. In conclusion, using
the
Correct article usage
apply
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animals
Use synonyms
 for
any
Correct determiner usage
the
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benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
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 of people is very
inhumne
Correct your spelling
inhumane
inhuman
 because
animals
Use synonyms
 can feel
the
Correct article usage
apply
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pain. It
also
Linking Words
 can cause the
spieces
Correct your spelling
species
pieces
 extinction if there is no control over the poaching.
Submitted by nhp2610 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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