IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#shops #country #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The graph shows trends in
shop
Use synonyms
closures
Use synonyms
 and
openings
Use synonyms
 in one country from 2011 to 2018.
Overall
Linking Words
, both the
number
Use synonyms
 of shops that closed and the
number
Use synonyms
 that opened depicted large fluctuations during the particular period of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time.
However
Linking Words
,
closures
Use synonyms
 had surpassed
openings
Use synonyms
in
Change the preposition
at
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 the end of the period To start with, in 2011, the
shop
Use synonyms
openings
Use synonyms
 reached
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 peak at 8,500
stores
Use synonyms
 after which decreased sharply to 4,000,
while
Linking Words
 the
shop
Use synonyms
closures
Use synonyms
 drop slightly to 6,000 in 2012 which beat the
number
Use synonyms
 of
shop
Use synonyms
/ shops opened. After 2012,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, both of the
number
Use synonyms
 shops that closed and opened increased except for the
shop
Use synonyms
closures
Use synonyms
 in 2014. In 2015, the
shop
Use synonyms
closures
Use synonyms
 fell to
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 lowest point
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
below 1,000
stores
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 the
shop
Use synonyms
openings
Use synonyms
 went down
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to 4,000
stores
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
not as lowest as the
shop
Use synonyms
closures
Use synonyms
. The following year the
closures
Use synonyms
shop
Use synonyms
 fluctuated between 5100 and 5000
stores
Use synonyms
,
in contrast
Linking Words
 with the
openings
Use synonyms
shop
Use synonyms
 which was steady for three years and ended with declined to
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
its smallest point.
Submitted by farel2300 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 85%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words shop, closures, openings, number, stores with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "fluctuations" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • retail landscape
  • net growth
  • market dynamics
  • economic indicators
  • fluctuations
  • pivotal
  • consumption patterns
  • e-commerce
  • brick-and-mortar
  • downward/upward trend
  • stabilize
  • recession
  • boom
  • retail sector
  • closure rate
  • inauguration/opening rate
  • consumer market
  • saturate
  • commercial viability
  • profitability
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