IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The given line graph illustrates the average data of a museum tourists in both summer and winter in the year 2003. Overall, it is observed that during summer, the museum had many visitors compared to winter. To begin with, the highest visits recorded were of about 1600 people to the museum at 12noon during the hot weather which declined to 800 people at 4pm. Whereas in winter about 500 visitors came at 10am which somewhat fluctuate till 12 noon. However, there was massive declined during the winter at 12noon till around 2pm whereas there was no visitors recorded from 2pm till 6pm unlike during summer, the downward trend was only from 4pm and there was no record of no visitors.

The given line graph illustrates the average data of a museum tourists in both summer and winter in the year 2003. Overall, it is observed that during summer, the museum had many visitors compared to winter. To begin with, the highest visits recorded were of about 1600 people to the museum at 12noon during the hot weather which declined to 800 people at 4pm. Whereas in winter about 500 visitors came at 10am which somewhat fluctuate till 12 noon. However, there was massive declined during the winter at 12noon till around 2pm whereas there was no visitors recorded from 2pm till 6pm unlike during summer, the downward trend was only from 4pm and there was no record of no visitors.
#line #data #museum #tourists #summer #winter #year #visitors #visits #people #noon #weather #pm #trend #record
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The given line graph illustrates the average data of museum tourists in both summer and
winter
Use synonyms
 in the year 2003.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is observed that during summer, the museum had many
visitors
Use synonyms
 compared to
winter
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the highest visit recorded
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 of about 1600 people to the museum at 12noon during the hot weather which declined to 800 people at 4pm.
Whereas
Linking Words
 in
winter
Use synonyms
 about 500
visitors
Use synonyms
 came at 10am which somewhat fluctuate till 12 noon.
However
Linking Words
, there was a massive decline during the
winter
Use synonyms
 from 12 noon till around 2pm but there were no
visitors
Use synonyms
 recorded from 2pm till 6pm unlike during summer, the downward trend was only from 4pm and there was no record of no
visitors
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by oludayotemilade on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words winter, visitors, pm with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "data" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: