People in many countries are spending less time with their family. What are the reasons, and effects of this?
It is quite common nowadays as parents prefer to allocate the majority of their
time
to work instead
of their family. In this
essay, we will discuss the causes of this
phenomenon as well as
its impacts.
There are several factors contributing to this
issue, most notable are long working hours and high living costs in urban areas. Regarding the former, modern companies often demand employees to prioritize their work above all
else, therefore
resulting in frequent overtime sessions. For example
, Japan is well-known for its dedication to work and they consider working past regulated hours as the trait of an excellent worker. Besides
their morning job, most people usually have a second job as their basic salary can barely cover their basic needs in big cities. This
drives people to spend their spare time
earning extra money, leaving them no time
for their families.
If this
situation progress
, various problems can arise and cause severe consequences. Correct subject-verb agreement
progresses
Firstly
, children would feel distanced and abandoned as their parents are away. Ultimately, they would end up with poor school performance and fear of abandonment. Subsequently
, this
would lead to children being subjected to violence and other crimes. Several cases have been reported in many nations and their crime rate is increasing rapidly. This
can be also
traced back to the lack of parental guidance, which leads to exposure to toxic content on the internet, hence
their tendency to involve in criminal activities.
In conclusion, costly expenditures and the extension of working hours are the culprits for the shortage of family time
. As a consequence
, this
leaves children vulnerable to mental disorders and bad influences, thus
increasing the crime rate.Submitted by trinhthanhjason on
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Task Achievement
The essay adequately addresses the question and presents both the causes and effects of spending less time with family. However, the ideas could be more fully developed with more specific examples and explanations. Ensure that every point made in the essay is directly related to the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay demonstrates a logical structure, with an introduction and conclusion. The main points are supported by examples, although they could be more detailed and coherent. Strengthen the link between sentences and paragraphs, and consider using transition words and phrases to improve cohesion.
Lexical Resource
The writer uses a good range of vocabulary and phrases to express ideas. However, there are instances where more precise and varied vocabulary could enhance the depth of expression. Strive to use more sophisticated and appropriate vocabulary to convey ideas effectively.
Grammatical Range
The essay displays a reasonable grasp of grammatical structures and sentence formation. However, there are some errors in punctuation, verb tense consistency, and sentence structure. Aim for greater accuracy and complexity in sentence structures and pay attention to verb tense consistency, especially when discussing cause and effect relationships.