People in many countries are spending less time with their family. What are the reasons, and effects of this?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

It is quite common nowadays as parents prefer to allocate the majority of their

time

Use synonyms

to work

instead

Linking Words

of their family. In

this

Linking Words

essay, we will discuss the causes of

this

Linking Words

phenomenon

as well as

Linking Words

its impacts. There are several factors contributing to

this

Linking Words

issue, most notable are long working hours and high living costs in urban areas. Regarding the former, modern companies often demand employees to prioritize their work

above all

Linking Words

else,

therefore

Linking Words

resulting in frequent overtime sessions.

For example

Linking Words

, Japan is well-known for its dedication to work and they consider working past regulated hours as the trait of an excellent worker.

Besides

Linking Words

their morning job, most people usually have a second job as their basic salary can barely cover their basic needs in big cities.

This

Linking Words

drives people to spend their spare

time

Use synonyms

earning extra money, leaving them no

time

Use synonyms

for their families. If

this

Linking Words

situation

progress

Correct subject-verb agreement

progresses

show examples

, various problems can arise and cause severe consequences.

Firstly

Linking Words

, children would feel distanced and abandoned as their parents are away. Ultimately, they would end up with poor school performance and fear of abandonment.

Subsequently

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

would lead to children being subjected to violence and other crimes. Several cases have been reported in many nations and their crime rate is increasing rapidly.

This

Linking Words

can be

also

Linking Words

traced back to the lack of parental guidance, which leads to exposure to toxic content on the internet,

hence

Linking Words

their tendency to involve in criminal activities. In conclusion, costly expenditures and the extension of working hours are the culprits for the shortage of family

time

Use synonyms

As a consequence

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

leaves children vulnerable to mental disorders and bad influences,

thus

Linking Words

increasing the crime rate.

trinhthanhjasonSat May 13 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement

The essay adequately addresses the question and presents both the causes and effects of spending less time with family. However, the ideas could be more fully developed with more specific examples and explanations. Ensure that every point made in the essay is directly related to the topic.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay demonstrates a logical structure, with an introduction and conclusion. The main points are supported by examples, although they could be more detailed and coherent. Strengthen the link between sentences and paragraphs, and consider using transition words and phrases to improve cohesion.

Lexical Resource

The writer uses a good range of vocabulary and phrases to express ideas. However, there are instances where more precise and varied vocabulary could enhance the depth of expression. Strive to use more sophisticated and appropriate vocabulary to convey ideas effectively.

Grammatical Range

The essay displays a reasonable grasp of grammatical structures and sentence formation. However, there are some errors in punctuation, verb tense consistency, and sentence structure. Aim for greater accuracy and complexity in sentence structures and pay attention to verb tense consistency, especially when discussing cause and effect relationships.

13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

277 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

predominant
commitments
imbalance
digital technology
social media
globalization
weakened
disconnected
strain
stress
mental health issues
developmental issues
behavioral problems
parental guidance

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7
band
Are famous people treated unfairly by the media? Should they be given more privacy, or is the price of their fame an invasion into their private lives? Give your opinion about this issue?
The media play a crucial role in our lives; however, sometimes they treat celebrities in an unfriendly way. Some people assert that this is the price of being famous, while others believe the media should not intrude on their privacy. I believe that although the media play an important role in famous people's careers, some regulations should be imposed to tackle this issue.
7.5
band
The crime rate nowadays is decreasing compared to the past due to advanced technology which can prevent and solve crime. Do you agree or disagree?
Some people argue that crime levels tend to fall in the modern world, and advanced technologies play a crucial role in this process. In this essay, I will express my opinion on this statement. While both critics and advocates offer a host of reasonable arguments, I firmly believe that with enhanced technologies, people commit fewer offences.
7.5
band
Some people feel that the government should regulate the level of violence in films on television and at the cinema. Others feel that violent films should not be regulated. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
There is a debate over regulating the level of violence in movies, with some saying the government should control it and others arguing that it should not be regulated.In my opinion, while when it is not in control has many benefits, when it is regulated it will not affect young audiences.
6.5
band
Many people choose to travel abroad to learn a foreign language instead of studying in their hometown. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?
A lot of individuals would prefer to travel overseas to study a foreign language rather than learn in their hometown. In my opinion, this occasion can provide a clean environment for their country. However, they can not go back. So, there are some kinds of benefits and drawbacks.
6
band
Climate change is the biggest threat to life on our planet. How accurate is this statement? Is there any other big threat to mankind?
It is said that climate change is now the most concerned danger to the earth's inhabitants. This essay wholeheartedly believes that it is very precise to say that because an unstable climate affects our environment negatively. Another threat to our planet is nothing else but pollution.

People in many countries are spending less time with their family. What are the reasons, and effects of this?

Are famous people treated unfairly by the media? Should they be given more privacy, or is the price of their fame an invasion into their private lives? Give your opinion about this issue?

The crime rate nowadays is decreasing compared to the past due to advanced technology which can prevent and solve crime. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people feel that the government should regulate the level of violence in films on television and at the cinema. Others feel that violent films should not be regulated. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many people choose to travel abroad to learn a foreign language instead of studying in their hometown. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

Climate change is the biggest threat to life on our planet. How accurate is this statement? Is there any other big threat to mankind?