IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people prefer to go to health clubs and gyms for health care, some say the walking and climbing stairs are more effective. Discuss both vies and give your opinion.

#people #health #clubs #gyms #care #say #stairs
Some
people
 assert that going to
health
centres
 is the best option for them to become more healthy,
however
, others believe that simple activities like walking and stair climbing are more beneficial. Both groups bring compelling reasons for justifying their assertion,
nevertheless
, I believe that
health
centres
 are more helpful for
people
 who want to improve their
overall
health
. On the one hand, a group of
people
 believe that regular
exercise
 in
health
centres
 has many benefits. One advantage is that there are various tools in
health
centres
, so
people
 can vary their
exercise
, and make it more enjoyable.
For instance
, individuals can combine aerobic
exercise
 with weight lifting.
This
 makes the process more effective
as well as
 joyful. Another benefit of going to
health
 clubs is that athletes can consult experts there. Experts devise
exercise
 plans and help visitors with dietary advice.
This
 makes
health
 clubs more attractive.
On the other hand
, others assert that simple exercises are more suitable for their lifestyle. They believe that because they are tight up with a lot of work they do not have enough time for joining
health
 clubs.
As a result
, they have to combine their regular activities with
exercise
.
For example
, if an employee uses the staircase regularly, and avoids using the elevator, he may burn a considerable amount of fat, and remain healthy. Another compelling reason they bring is that simple exercises like walking are not only more convenient but
also
 it is cheaper.
In other words
, every person can do it wherever he wants and does not need special tools. Take walking which is an effective activity
for example
,
people
 can go for a stroll in a park nearby or even in the neighbourhood itself, and the only thing they need is a pair of sneakers. In conclusion, both groups provide valid reasons for their assertion,
however
,r I of the idea of going to
health
centres
 since there are better training facilities there, and athletic
people
 can
be benefited
Wrong verb form
benefit
show examples
 from a trainer's advice.
Submitted by amirghas92 on

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task response
There is a clear response to the task with relevant examples and ideas. Ensure that all aspects of the prompt are fully addressed to strengthen the task response.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is good. However, the introduction and conclusion could be stronger. Ensure that the introduction effectively introduces the topic and the main points, while the conclusion effectively summarizes the essay and restates the opinion.
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