IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people prefer to go to health clubs and gyms for health care, some say the walking and climbing stairs are more effective. Discuss both vies and give your opinion.

#people #health #clubs #gyms #care #say #stairs
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Some
people
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 assert that going to
health
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centres
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 is the best option for them to become more healthy,
however
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, others believe that simple activities like walking and stair climbing are more beneficial. Both groups bring compelling reasons for justifying their assertion,
nevertheless
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, I believe that
health
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centres
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 are more helpful for
people
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 who want to improve their
overall
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health
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. On the one hand, a group of
people
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 believe that regular
exercise
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 in
health
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centres
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 has many benefits. One advantage is that there are various tools in
health
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centres
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, so
people
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 can vary their
exercise
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, and make it more enjoyable.
For instance
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, individuals can combine aerobic
exercise
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 with weight lifting.
This
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 makes the process more effective
as well as
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 joyful. Another benefit of going to
health
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 clubs is that athletes can consult experts there. Experts devise
exercise
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 plans and help visitors with dietary advice.
This
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 makes
health
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 clubs more attractive.
On the other hand
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, others assert that simple exercises are more suitable for their lifestyle. They believe that because they are tight up with a lot of work they do not have enough time for joining
health
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 clubs.
As a result
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, they have to combine their regular activities with
exercise
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.
For example
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, if an employee uses the staircase regularly, and avoids using the elevator, he may burn a considerable amount of fat, and remain healthy. Another compelling reason they bring is that simple exercises like walking are not only more convenient but
also
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 it is cheaper.
In other words
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, every person can do it wherever he wants and does not need special tools. Take walking which is an effective activity
for example
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,
people
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 can go for a stroll in a park nearby or even in the neighbourhood itself, and the only thing they need is a pair of sneakers. In conclusion, both groups provide valid reasons for their assertion,
however
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,r I of the idea of going to
health
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centres
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 since there are better training facilities there, and athletic
people
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 can
be benefited
Wrong verb form
benefit
show examples
 from a trainer's advice.
Submitted by amirghas92 on

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task response
There is a clear response to the task with relevant examples and ideas. Ensure that all aspects of the prompt are fully addressed to strengthen the task response.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is good. However, the introduction and conclusion could be stronger. Ensure that the introduction effectively introduces the topic and the main points, while the conclusion effectively summarizes the essay and restates the opinion.
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