IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #part #sports #teams #football #tennis
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Sports
Use synonyms
 have come to a human as a hobby or a career long before we implemented hygiene in our
day to day
Add a hyphen
day-to-day
show examples
 life. By now there are many
sports
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 differentiating in places it is played, instruments used or weather to play in. The most crucial factor would be if the activity could be done in groups or alone. For many
Use synonyms
people
Add a comma
,people
show examples
 it is an important factor to consider. Some are more keen on participating without being in a team and
others
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 can not play
others
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. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will name the main advantages
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 both.
First,
Linking Words
sports
Use synonyms
, which are done in groups, help a
person
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 to build trust in
others
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. Gaining trust is needed not only between friends
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 very important in the workplace. It shows us that only we could do the work, but
others
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 can do it too and by having more than one
person
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 on the job the goal could be achieved faster and have higher quality results. Another advantage of
group
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sports
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 is that
people
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 tend to do better and reach greater goals rather than doing something alone. I have been a member of a dance
group
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 for 6 years, from
this
Linking Words
 I have learned that I will not try as hard or do as much compared to the time when I was training with other
people
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 on the same moves.
In other words
Linking Words
, doing the same tasks and seeing
others
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 do
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 and complete
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 gives
motivation
Change the article
the motivation
show examples
 to exceed your limits and in the long
run
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,run
show examples
 achieve more.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, training as an individual is great too. One of the advantages of
non
Add a hyphen
non-group
show examples
group
Use synonyms
sports
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 could be that you have much more space to see your weaknesses and address them in order to improve.
This
Linking Words
 lets a
person
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to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
spot even the tiniest weak points faster than in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
group
Use synonyms
 of
people
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the faster the obstacles are seen the sooner
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can be dealt with and moved on to training.
Next
Correct article usage
The next
show examples
 point to mention is that doing something in a
group
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 could mean great motivation for one and
great
Correct article usage
a great
show examples
 burden for another.
In other words
Linking Words
, a
person
Use synonyms
 who learns quicker than
others
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 could accomplish less than working alone, because of the wasted time
while
Linking Words
 waiting for
others
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 to catch up. Training in
non
Add a hyphen
non-group
show examples
group
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sports
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 could let a
person
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 shine in their sphere. In conclusion, team
sports
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 can help a
person
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 to trust
others
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 more and build motivation to accomplish more. And the
non
Add a hyphen
non-group
show examples
group
Use synonyms
sports
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 will be beneficial in obstacle
addressment
Correct your spelling
addressing
addressed
 and achieving more
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because a
person
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 will not be wasting time
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
waiting for teammates to catch up.
Submitted by oimigle on

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Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cooperation
  • team spirit
  • sense of belonging
  • community
  • leadership
  • trust
  • collective responsibility
  • dependency
  • self-reliance
  • self-discipline
  • goal setting
  • tailored development
  • flexibility
  • social support
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