IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some feel that movies and tv shows are a good way to study history despite their lack of historical accuracy at times. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Many are of the opinion that TV programs and
films
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 are effective tools for conveying historical
information
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 to young generations compared to other educational means. Though
films
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 often contain provocative elements that attract children’s interest, I am largely in disagreement with
this
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 view, considering that individuals are likely to misunderstand historical
information
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 through over-dramatized content, which can lead to the adoption of distorted facts. Advocates often highlight the entertaining aspects present in audio-visual presentations of historical movies. Children,
in particular
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, often find it boring to learn
history
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 using textbooks. There are endlessly long timelines from ancient periods, with the names of battles and historical figures, and the occurrence dates.
However
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,
films
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 contain catchy narratives, unique characters wearing traditional garments, and visualized historical settings, which easily capture youngsters’ attention. An exemplary example of
this
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 would be the famous American historical film, Hacksaw Ridge, based on the inspiring true story of Desmond Doss. The grand sound and 3D graphics portrayed how he won the bloodiest battle of World War II and saved 75 soldiers from the war. Youngsters who watch the film naturally grasp these facts and cultivate an appreciation for their ancestors. Though the advantages are quite obvious, historical
films
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 often contain inaccurate
information
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.
History
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 must be delivered accurately as it is an invaluable story that has been accumulated over an extended time from ancestors.
However
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, many producers distort stories to attract more interest and aim for box office hits rather than genuinely intending to impart precise historical facts.
While
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 the Korean movie, “Admiral: Roaring Currents” received great public recognition around the world, many historians criticized it for its distortions. They argue that the film exaggerated the role of Admiral Lee Sun Shin,
while
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 not emphasizing the complicated relationship between Japan and Korea. Even some strategies employed by Lee Sun Shin were inaccurately depicted as producers focused on adding tension for genuine thrill. As young generations are more likely to absorb misconceptions, learning
history
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 should be achieved through fact-based methods
such
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 as
history
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 books, lectures, or documentaries. In conclusion,
while
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 it is undeniably true that media often plays a key role in inspiring people's interest in learning
history
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 through more entertaining options, it often encompasses erroneous details, leading young students to develop a distorted historical perspective. I firmly believe that
history
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 education should be delivered through other methods based on factual
information
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 without any dramatization.

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task achievement
Ensure that all main ideas and arguments are fully developed and supported with strong evidence. While your points are generally well-supported, providing additional specific details and examples can enhance your argumentation further.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow between and within paragraphs. The overall structure is clear, but minor adjustments in the ordering of some points and use of transitional phrases within paragraphs can improve the coherence and make the essay easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Strong introduction and conclusion that outline and summarize the main ideas effectively. This clarity helps the reader understand your stance clearly from the beginning and provides a sense of completion at the end.
task achievement
Relevant and specific examples are used effectively to support your points. This adds depth to your arguments and demonstrates your ability to relate general ideas to specific instances.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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