IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Children are facing more pressure nowadays from academic social and commercial perspective.What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to refuse these pressures?

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It is common to say that
in
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apply
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these days
children
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 come across
with
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apply
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pressures like educational communal and commercial.
This
Linking Words
 essay intends to discuss how to solve problems which
is
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are
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 disturbing most
children
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 nowadays In their
life
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,life
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 every child will face
with
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apply
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academic difficulties.
Todays
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Today's
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children
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 compete with
children
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which
Correct pronoun usage
who
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is
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are
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 from
global
Correct article usage
a global
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 village
instead
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 of their
neighbors
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neighbours
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 or from other town
children
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.Parents want their
children
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 to be perfect in each area.So most of them send their
children
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 to special schools which have school bags even heavier than
child
Add an article
a child
the child
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 himself.There are
tutions
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tuitions
 after school times.Because of
Add a comma
,them
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them
Correct your spelling
the
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 kids can not get enough time to try other fields
Most
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In most
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 countries
children
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 especially teens pressurized by pressures like social and commercial.They do not want to involve traditional
things
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 so most of the time they are against
from
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apply
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their
parents
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parent's
parents'
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 opinions.
This
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 kind of
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things
Fix the agreement mistake
thing
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lead
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leads
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more
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to more
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 and more stress.And there are problems with their peers.
That is
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 good if they are kind and smart but if they are
bully
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bullies
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 they will destroy our
children
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's life.Because they see many
children
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 like them have modern technology like computers and mobile phones.
Then
Linking Words
 they
also
Linking Words
 want to get it.But you know not every family have good financial positioning
that
Correct word choice
and
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 some of them can not get what their kids want.
Therefore
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 most of them put themselves into depression If they can not buy these
things
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.
Children
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 should not let these kind of challenges
to
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apply
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destroy their innocent childhood.Every child in the world
deserve
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deserves
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 the best
things
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.We should help them find themselves in any way.Or else these pressures will demolish their physical and mental growth. (281 words)

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic competition
  • globalized economy
  • rigorous testing
  • social media
  • peer pressure
  • comparisons
  • aggressive marketing tactics
  • culture of consumerism
  • parental expectations
  • standardized testing
  • holistic approaches
  • life skills
  • creative subjects
  • digital literacy
  • critical thinking
  • social media pressures
  • supportive environments
  • regulating advertising
  • consumerism
  • material possessions
  • values of contentment and self-worth
  • open channels of communication
  • mental health education
  • readily available resources
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