IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

In some countries, more and more people are hiring a personal fitness trainer, rather than playing sport or doing exercise classes. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or a negative development?

#countries #people #fitness #trainer #sport #exercise #classes #development
In some nations, many
people
 prefer private fitness assistance rather than joining
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gymnastics
classes
 or playing
sports
. In
this
 essay, I will discuss the reasons, and explain why I believe that
this
 situation has positive impacts on
person's
Correct article usage
a person's
show examples
 health.
To begin
 with, a private coach facilitates
people
 to reach their goals in body health. Through his
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
 and
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
, a personal trainer knows what the most suitable
exercise
 for his clients is based on the assessment that they assess before the program is begun.
For instance
, a man, who will gain
his
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
muscles, has to do a weight lifting program with a 10 kg barbell twice a week for two months.
As a result
, the
exercise
 program is running efficiently and
people
 hit the goals effectively.
In addition
, hiring a personal fitness trainer for doing physical activity has more flexibility in
time
 than playing
sports
 or doing
exercise
classes
. Typically
people
 make an appointment with their trainer about their schedules, and it has a possibility to change from
time
 to
time
 and match each other. But that situation is not applicable in playing
sports
 especially if they do with a team or a partner like basketball, badminton, and tennis, or scheduled
exercise
classes
,
such
 as yoga class, Zumba class, and others.
As a consequence
,
although
people
 have limited
time
 because of their work or other activities, they still do body movements regularly. In sum, a personal coach assists
people
 to hit their purposes and goals with more flexible
time
 than in
sports
 and
exercise
classes
.
Therefore
, in some countries, particularly in developed nations,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society still has
time
 to keep their physical activity.
Submitted by anonymous on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Fitness
  • Health
  • Personalized
  • Effective
  • Workout routines
  • Motivation
  • Guidance
  • Busy schedules
  • Limited time
  • One-on-one training
  • Qualified
  • Experienced
  • Overall well-being
What to do next:
Look at other essays: