IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Directors and managers of organizations are often older people. Some people say that younger people should be leaders. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, most individuals always consider that
people
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 who are older ages are required to
work
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 in higher positions rather than young new generations. Of course, the most suitable career should be a director or a manager. In my point of view, I believe that age is not the factor in being a leader in
one
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company
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while
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 others mention the cause of younger workers haven't gained any experience as older. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both agreements and disagreements. First of all, when holding a higher position,
one
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 must think about experiences, years of working, special skills, and achievements of working. In fact, being a director or manager in
one
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 organization must realize how to be a leader
while
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also
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 solving all problems in the
company
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.
Furthermore
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, choosing older
people
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 to apply for a high position, the executive of the
company
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 doesn't have to worry about the quality of
work
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. Obviously, older
people
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 have gained various experiences in working, and no need to spend time on training as younger
people
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.
Moreover
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, the statistics of in and out of the employees or employers in the
one
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 firm will be decreased as older
people
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 always opt to
work
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 permanently but not temporarily like younger without empathy.
On the other hand
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, others argue that hiring young new generations can gain new ideas for
work
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 development
such
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 as applying new modern technologies, techniques, and skills.
In particular
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, they know how to adapt to the modern world and integrate into
work
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.
In addition
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, the young generations don't offer high salaries
due to
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 no experience or just finishing a degree. It can be the best choice for a new
company
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 with less budget in employing staff in working. In conclusion, all organizations should choose employers or employees to
work
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 in high positions to balance the working quality, but not choose because of their age and
complain
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complaints
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 after recruiting.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction includes some good ideas, but consider rephrasing for clarity and coherence. Try to state your perspective more directly to establish a clear stance on the issue.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence. Strong topic sentences help guide the reader and clarify the main point of each paragraph.
Task Achievement
In your conclusion, summarize your main points more clearly and succinctly, ensuring that your stance is re-emphasized clearly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Vary your sentence structures and use more linking words to improve the flow of your essay. This will enhance coherence and make your arguments clearer.
Task Achievement
You have made a good effort to discuss both perspectives on the role of age in leadership, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.
Task Achievement
Your essay presents relevant ideas about the benefits of both older and younger leaders, showcasing different advantages that can be derived from each age group.
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