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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and the treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor .Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#people #health #alternative #medicines #treatments #doctor #development
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It is becoming
increase
Replace the word
increasingly
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 common that much more
people
Use synonyms
 who have health problems start to try alternative medicine and treatment rather than see the doctor
although
Linking Words
 there are some benefits of
people
Use synonyms
use
Wrong verb form
using
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 these approaches to solve their health
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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, I would argue that there are far more drawbacks On the one hand , it’s true that some alternative medicines and treatments help
people
Use synonyms
becoming
Wrong verb form
become
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 healthy and reduce the stresses of doctors.These methods generally come from the experience of the ancients. Namely, some
people
Use synonyms
 would drink a lot of different types
soups
Change preposition
of soups
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 which contain different foods that
people
Use synonyms
 have always thought that it contains a lot of nutrients. When they become healthy, there will be
lower
Add an article
a lower
the lower
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 probability
for
Change preposition
of
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 them being sick ,
therefore
Linking Words
 ,the pressure on the medical system will be reduced.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 ,if
public
Correct article usage
the public
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 relies too much on these things that have not been researched by scientists to confirm that they really have
a good effects
Correct the article-noun agreement
a good effect
good effects
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，
this
Linking Words
 may cause more harm to their bodies. There was
a
Correct article usage
apply
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news about some doctors‘ views on these treatments. They proposed that some of ‘health products’ is the lies lie of some bad companies that just want to sell their products that
useless
Add a missing verb
are useless
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 or even have a negative impact on bodies. At the same time, some communities believe that these things can treat their diseases without going to the hospital. It is their responsibility that they lose the best time to treat their diseases. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 some alternative drugs and treatments are beneficial,
people
Use synonyms
 should not rely on
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 and go to the hospital to buy safe drugs when they are sick.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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