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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that the goverment sould be responsible for crime prevention, while others believe that it is the responsibility of the individual to protect themselves. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #goverment #sould #crime #prevention #responsibility
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Many people believe that the state should protect them from
crime
, but others argue that everyone has to defend themselves. In my opinion, security in society is the direct duty of authorities,
although
 there could be some budget drawbacks. On the one hand, general
crime
 prevention requires an enormous amount of money and resources, so private initiatives may not be efficient. Here is when it comes to the government, as it is the wealthiest player in the economy and can afford global programs
such
 as former prisoners rehabilitation in order to prevent reoffends and fight poverty and drug traffic. It is quite difficult for a particular individual to control all of
this
,
otherwise
Add a comma
,otherwise
show examples
 the situation with the
crime
 will go out of hand causing people to feel insecure and resulting in social tension.
On the other hand
, if it was individuals’ responsibility to protect themselves, budget money would be used for more appropriate purposes. In that case, the number of policemen and security agents can be reduced, as maintenance of police consumes a lot of taxes, which could be diverted to the public sector like healthcare and education. Some changes in the school programme might be done like adding courses
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 self-defence and lessons increasing awareness of
consequences
Correct article usage
the consequences
show examples
 of committing a
crime
,
thus
this
 approach can deter youngsters from illegal activity. In conclusion, despite the fact that preventing crimes by the government requires a lot of money, I believe that there is nothing more valuable than human life;
therefore
, the safety of individuals should be a priority.
Submitted by vaahmerov on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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