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Band 4.5

The health benefits of physical exercises are well known. Despite this, many people do not exercise regularly. What are the reasons for this? What could be done to encourage them to exercise regularly?

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Introduction
Society is very different today from the past. Doing exercises is a huge part of our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. It has changed many
people
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 for the better .
This
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 essay will examine the reasons why some
people
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 do not
exercise
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 and how to encourage them to
exercise
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.
Body paragraph 1
There are many reasons why some
people
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 do not
exercise
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 regularly.
First,
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many
people
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 are busy , which makes them unable to go to the
gym
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.
For example
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, they work as employees for 12 hours
everyday
Rephrase
every day
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.
Also
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, they spend their time on things more important than doing
exercise
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as gathering with their families.
Second,
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some
people
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 can not go to the
gym
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 because it is far away from their
houses
Check wording
homes
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.
For
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instance
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, they might not have cars to go to the
gym
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.
In addition
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, they do not have
much
Correct determiner usage
enough
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 money to go by taxi.
Third,
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people
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 consider the main reason why they can not go to the
gym
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 is the high cost of
subscription
Correct article usage
a subscription
show examples
.
For
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instance
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, many founders increase the cost of subscription if the number of
people
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 increases.
Furthermore
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, many gyms offer awful services in comparison with the price.
Body paragraph 2
There are many ways to encourage them to do
exercise
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. First, the founders of the
gym
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 can make
seminars
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 about doing
exercise
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.
For
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instance
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, they can make
seminars
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 about the benefits of doing
exercise
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.
Moreover
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, they
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also can
Correct word order
can also
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 make
seminars
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 about
inquiries
Correct article usage
the inquiries
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 of
people
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 who attend those
seminars
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.
Second,
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people
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 believe that lowering the cost of subscription is the main solution to encourage them.
For example
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, they suggest that making discounts for annual subscriptions is a perfect solution.
Also
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, they want stunning services and perfect metal dumbbells.
Third,
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people
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 can make
tournaments
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 about lifting weights and provide those who participate in
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tournaments
Correct article usage
the tournaments
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.
For
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instance
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, they can create local
tournaments
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 monthly.
In addition
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, governments from different countries can create global
tournaments
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the rewards are very valuable
Punctuation problem
,
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such
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 as luxury cars and provide
for those who win much money
Correct word order
a significant amount of money for those who win
show examples
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, it is easy to see that doing
exercise
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 has awful reasons which make
people
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 stop doing
exercise
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 regularly.
However
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, there are many ways to encourage
people
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 to
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
exercise
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer both parts in a more direct way. Give the main reasons for not doing exercise, then give clear ways to help people exercise more often.
task response
Use ideas that fit all kinds of exercise, not only going to the gym or lifting weights. For example, people can walk, run, cycle, or exercise at home.
task response
Explain each idea more fully. Say why long work hours, cost, and travel stop people, and say how lower prices, local places, and work plans can help.
task response
Choose more realistic examples. Big world events and luxury cars are not likely to help most people exercise each week. Free local groups, safe parks, and low-cost classes are stronger examples.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make each paragraph focus on one or two main ideas only.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences. For example: “One main reason is lack of time.” Then explain this reason and give one short example.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words such as “because”, “so”, “also”, “however”, and “as a result”. Do not use “For instance” too often.
coherence and cohesion
Make the ending more exact. Do not say exercise has “awful reasons”. Say that time, cost, and distance can stop people, but low-cost and easy local options can help.
task response
You answer both questions: why people may not exercise and what may help them.
task response
You give several useful reasons, such as lack of time, distance, and high gym costs.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: introduction, reasons, ways to help, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphing and linking words to show when you move to a new point.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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