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Band 6

New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#technologies #children #time
In recent times,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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cutting-edge
technologies
 transform the way teenager
use
 their leisure time.
Although
 I believe
this
 improvement is mostly a negative development, there
are
Change the verb form
is
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also
positive
Add an article
a positive
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 aspect to it as well. The enhancement of the
technologies
 offers some downsides for
adolescent
Fix the agreement mistake
adolescents
show examples
.
Firstly
,
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
 may have
lack
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a lack
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 of physical activities if the rest of their life
use
Wrong verb form
used
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to surf
Change the verb form
surfing
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the
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apply
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social media. If children always scroll
their
Change preposition
through their
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 social media
app
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apps
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, namely Facebook and Instagram, it will take a lot of portions of their time to do their hobbies
such
us
Correct your spelling
as
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 playing football or swimming.
As a result
, it will affect
to
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apply
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their healthy body. Another negative side is children may have difficulties
to improve
Change the verb form
improving
show examples
 their attitude
skill
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skills
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.
For example
,
if
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apply
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some pupils get a lot of smart home
technologies
 exposure including using robots to help
their
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with their
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 life activities
such
 as buying groceries and cleaning their room. They will
lost
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lose
be lost
show examples
 their empathy if someone needs help and they will reluctant to assist them.
Finally
, if the young age can not tackle their behaviour to
use
 the
technologies
, they will become addicted to
use
Change the verb form
using
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it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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.
Hence
, they become dependent
people
 in the future.
On the other hand
,
the
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apply
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state-of-the-art
technologies
 have
benefit
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benefits
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 too.
Teenager
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Teenagers
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 who can
use
 the
technologies
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technology
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 wisely and
fond
Add a missing verb
are fond
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 of science,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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will search much information related to the field they feel curiosity
.
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about.
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For instance
, If
the
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young
people
 have a lot of questions regarding the climate change impact, they will
use
on
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apply
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the internet to rich their knowledge concerning green energy and net zero emissions power plant.
Furthermore
, they will become
people
 who have a number of knowledge in
this
 topic and become role models in their schools. To summarize, when it comes to using the
technologies
 in their spend time, if pupils can
use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 wisely, it will have a positive impact
for
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on
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 them.
However
, if teenagers cannot manage their behaviour to
use
 it, it will lead to
the
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apply
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many disasters
to
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in
show examples
 their life so
that
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apply
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using technology becomes a less attractive option in the future for
the
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apply
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young
people
in
Change preposition
at
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 certain
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
.
Submitted by m.zulnizar on

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Digital literacy
  • Cyberbullying
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Inappropriate content
  • Self-learning
  • Screen time
  • Social inequality
  • Enhanced communication
  • Creative expression
  • Educational resources
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