Some students choose to work or travel after leaving school and before going to university. Many people, however, say that working experience is more useful in adult life than travel.Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Many people currently are arguing about whether to travel or to obtain work
experience
. From my perspective, the choice largely depends on your practical needs, since they are all beneficial: as an apprentice, students
can accumulate experiences; as a visitor, they will be open-minded to embrace a more colourful world.
In my country, people tend to dismiss travelling as merely wasting time and disproportionately emphasise working experience
, and thereby I would like to defend the unpopular one first. Unlike many the stereotype that travelling is merely showering money on luxuries or physical pleasure, it actually grants us an opportunity to be linked with the world in distinctly different ways from that we have been familiar with, and thereby make us more willing to respect and accept diversities. One compelling example is seen in my fathers, who, like many people born in the 1960s, had detested and despised homosexuals, however
, he gradually changed his mind when he saw a couple of homosexuals shed joyful tears for their marriage being celebrated by their families during our journey in Netherland. Without the chance offered by travel, we would have not known that we are willing to accept this
colour of the world.
If the expansion, mentioned above, of ourselves is more about spirit, then
engaging in work before universities can provide students
with more practical benefits, and working experience
. As a result
of a global depression, the labour market has been radically competitive, and many employers straightforwardly refuse applicants without internship experience
. Under this
circumstance, obtaining relevant qualities in advance has become many students
' primary concern, which, to some degree, will determine whether they will be accessible to those companies with good salaries, like Tencent, Bit Dance, or Alibaba. According to
a report published in China Daily, approximately 65% of employees working for the companies mentioned above had been trainees before they entered their universities. Therefore
, if students
hope to focus more on their careers, being an apprentice before university is also
desirable.
To summarise, both travelling and working as an apprentice before registering in universities are beneficial. The former helps students
to develop a more liberal mind, and the latter contributes to them achieving a successful career.Submitted by hx88375757 on
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task achievement
Ensure you address all parts of the prompt thoroughly. Though your essay responds well, discussing more on how each experience (travel and work) influences adult life directly would enhance the task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Try to maintain clear and consistent terminology. At some points, the flow is slightly interrupted due to awkward phrasing or word choice, e.g., 'being an apprentice' typically implies a formal or technical training situation.
task achievement
Your essay provides specific examples, such as your father's experience in the Netherlands, which strengthens your argument and illustrates your points effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a strong introduction and a well-rounded conclusion, clearly presenting your viewpoint and summarizing it effectively.