IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

governmnet should take large proportion of people income while some think it as a bad idea. both views

#governmnet #proportion #people #income #think #idea
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It is undeniable that paying
taxes
Use synonyms
 is an essential thing as it allows the government to enhance public services, many individuals claim that the government should take a significant proportion of people's wages,
while
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 others believe that it is a bad idea.
This
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 essay will analyse both viewpoints including my opinion in the following paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, the proponents of the former notion.
Firstly
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, high
taxes
Use synonyms
 provide ample benefits
tosociety
Correct your spelling
to society
. To be precise, it leads to the betterment of public infrastructure,
such
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 as well-maintained roads and an efficient public transportation system.
Also
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, the government aids in promoting healthcare and education facilities which allows them to become successful in their life and
this
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 leads to economic growth and a higher quality of life.
Moreover
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, imposing high
taxes
Use synonyms
 on all people can reduce inequality by redistributing wealth- taking more from those who can afford it and using it to benefit the entire society.
For instance
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, the United States is a country which imposes
taxes
Use synonyms
according to
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 your earnings
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
if you are earning a big amount
then
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 they charge you with significant amount of tax which I think is a good way to create social equality.
On the other hand
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, levying
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
taxes
Use synonyms
 has some negative consequences too.
Initially
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, it
discouragesindividuals
Correct your spelling
discourages individuals
discourage individuals
 from working hard, as a big proportion of their income has been taken away from them which decreases motivation and productivity.
Moreover
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,
this
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 can lead to the reallocation of the companies to the place with favourable tax conditions on them which eventually become the reason for job losses and a decrease in economic activity. I believe that it is crucial to maintain a balance that encourages economic activity and personal financial growth by imposing
taxes
Use synonyms
according to
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 their earnings.
To conclude
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,
although
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 taking a higher amount in tax provides benefits to the nation, it limits the productivity and the growth of people residing in the country.
Submitted by k7jassu on

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language
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and typos, such as 'tosociety' and 'discouragesindividuals,' to improve clarity.
content
Consider elaborating more on both the benefits and drawbacks of high taxation with more precise examples.
coherence
Ensure the transition between opposing viewpoints is even smoother to enhance readability.
structure
The essay presents a well-organized introduction and conclusion, clearly stating the author's position.
language
Appropriate use of the phrase 'economic growth and a higher quality of life' accurately summarizes the benefits of tax contributions.
content
The essay effectively presents both perspectives on the issue, acknowledging the complexity.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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