IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people fail in school, but end up being successful in life. Why do you think that is the case? What is the most important thing to succeed in life?

#people #school #life #case
In
this
world
Add a comma
,world
show examples
 there are people who are successful and accomplished in their own fields,
while
 some are there who miserably failed. Even though there are people who failed in school, still they succeed in their life journey. In my observation, it is not only the academic accomplishments that matter but
also
 the
passion
 and hard work that might
also
 be a driving force in their journey to success. A child should be properly guided
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
their
Change the word
an
show examples
 early
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
how
Change preposition
on how
show examples
 to make choices and move forward. Even if someone is dropping the school or college it is not the end. Every failure
teach
Change the verb form
teaches
show examples
how
Correct pronoun usage
us how
show examples
 to do it better. A person should be allowed to chase his or her own dream,
however
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
talent
 and continuous
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
 them successful. Forcing
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
 do something in which they are not happy or
comforatble
Correct your spelling
comfortable
 will always worsen the end result. Following
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
passion
 and striving towards the vision will always give the fruit of success. In
this
 modern world,
talent
 and ideas are really essential things to hold on
.
Change preposition
to.
show examples
A proper
Remove the article
Proper
show examples
 recognition and extending support at the right time can do a lot of magic in everyone's life.
For example
, Bill Gates who dropped out
high
Change preposition
of high
show examples
 school is one of the highest
provider
Change to a plural noun
providers
show examples
 of jobs to many. If his
talent
 was not
rcognised
Correct your spelling
recognised
recognized
 and supported by the family , he would not have in
this
 level. Again Sachin Tendulkar, considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the God of cricket in India reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
his current height because he thrived towards the
passion
andvthe
Correct your spelling
and the
 fire inside him. It is the proper help and acknowledgement from his family and cricket coach
helped
Correct pronoun usage
that helped
show examples
 him to reach the position
every one
Correct your spelling
everyone
show examples
 dream of.
To conclude
 , it is not only
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education but
also
 the
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
, commitment and
talent
 to be nurtured in children. Shape them or mould them in
such
 a way that , they are not afraid to go behind their dreams and
passion
 which will lead them to be successful in life.
Way
Correct article usage
The way
show examples
 to become
success
Replace the word
successful
show examples
 may have a lot of thorns in its path but it does not mean that you cannot cross it.
Submitted by sudheer.radhakrishnan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: