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In some countries, young people are richer than ever before. However, they are less happy. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

#countries #people
It seems to be an
increasing
Change the adjective
increasingly
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 widespread problem that young adults cannot be more
pleasure
Replace the word
pleasurable
show examples
 now than in the past, though they can acquire more money. I think that the proliferation of the internet and overworking are responsible for
this
. In the past, many
people
 directly communicated with their friends
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and shared a lot of enjoyable moments in the real world.
Due to
 the proliferation of the Internet, youngsters can relish their free time in their
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
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 alone. An occasion where
people
 meet with others face to face gradually decreased, and it causes
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 negative impact on friendship.
As a result
, the widespread use of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
online devices makes teenagers less
happiness
Replace the word
happy
show examples
. Another important reason leading to
this
 phenomenon is that young individuals are demanded hard work and
endeavor
Change the spelling
endeavour
show examples
 from their companies. They have to work as hard as possible, and they are not able to spend their time with their families and friends. It would create
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adverse effects on the relationships between them and their wives or children.
Therefore
, younger adults do not think that they are happier than in the past. In order to solve
this
 problem,
in other words
, to encourage
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
people
 to become more
happiness
Replace the word
happy
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
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 the company, the government intervention and the individual can make a difference. More importantly, companies have to make
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 method that relieves the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
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 of jobs done by employees, and the government must enact some laws that abolish overworking in the country.
Besides
, adolescents have to
endeavor
Change the spelling
endeavour
show examples
 to interact with others without a virtual world. In conclusion, in recent days younger
people
 are less pleasure because of the technical development and many jobs they have.
Hence
, Administers and corporations have to set a rule, and young
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 must try to convey their feelings.
Submitted by shimamura0116 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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