The chart below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers.

#show #study #students #age #groups #amount #support #employers

The bar charts illustrate the chive

cause

Wrong verb form

caused

show examples

for

Change preposition

show examples

education among pupils of the age of different brackets

also

Correct word choice

and also

show examples

the proportion of aid they got from managers.

According to

these data, the percentage of students who educate for occupation has declined significantly

while

the number of students who study for their interest had the opposite trend.

Also

, the two youngest age groups had

most

Add an article

the most

show examples

support from employers.

It is clear that

most of

under

Correct article usage

the under

show examples

years

old students were educated just for a career

while

the amount of them dropped off

about

Change preposition

by about

show examples

60% in

over

Correct pronoun usage

those over

show examples

years

old and stood at just under 20%.

In contrast

, there was a marginal rise from 10% for

under

Correct pronoun usage

those under

show examples

26 to 70% for

over

Correct pronoun usage

those over

show examples

years

old.

moreover

, the proportion of them was equal in 40-49 and stood at just about 40%.

in addition

, the amount of manager support was 60 and 50 for

under

Correct pronoun usage

those under

show examples

26 and 26-29

years

old, respectively. the percentage showed a significant decrease in the next bracket age and stood at just about 30%.

besides

the employers supports went up marginally between 40-49 and over 49

years

old.

Submitted by amirhsina on Thu May 18 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words years with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "stood" was used 3 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "just about" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "marginal" was used 2 times.

▼

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

187 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

Topic Vocabulary:

Lifelong learning
Professional development
Adult education
Career advancement
Personal enrichment
Academic pursuits
Upskilling
Reskilling
Educational attainment
Tuition reimbursement
Flexible work arrangements
Work-study balance
Financial assistance
Professional growth
Study leave
Employee retention
Workforce development
Time management
Self-improvement
Motivational factors

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7.5
band
Obesity is an increasing public health problem in some parts of the world. Explain some possible reasons for this problem, and suggest some solutions. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Nowadays, the world is suffering from various health diseases. Obesity is definitely a major public concern in many parts of the world, be it in developing or developed nations. I will discuss the possible causes of this problem and provide solutions to address it.
6
band
The plans below show a small theater in 2010, and the same theater in 2012.
The maps illustrate the changes that took place in a cinema from 2010 to 2012. Overall, the theatre was expanded with better infrastructure and more rooms and facilities for residents over a period of 2 years.
6
band
In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Globally, there are more villagers who migrate to cities resulting in a lessening populace in countryside. This phenomenon generally called urbanization which often used by the governance to stimulate an organic development for the aftermost area. Apparently, I think this is a positive movement since they could become an educated person and go back to escalate their homeland’s economic potential.
6.5
band
Many of the world’s cities are currently facing a serious housing shortage. What are some of the reasons for this shortage and what solutions can you suggest? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience.
The world's population is increasing day by day and because of this shortage of houses has become a serious issue. In this essay, I will discuss all the possible reasons behind this problem and what could be done to overcome this.
4
band
Some people want the government to spend more money for looking life on other planets, however, others think it’s a waste of public money when there are so many problems on earth that the government should be solving. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
There are numbers of men and women who insist for the administration to allocate funds for space exploration while some believe that there are more important projects that need to be addressed. Firstly this essay will discuss the reasons for space voyaging and secondly, the detrimental effects of allocating funds for this exploration. On the one hand, space is a mysterious place, that requires large amounts of money to explore. The government and many people all over the world think that there are other kinds of species that dwell in the far galaxy. They believe that providing funds for space exploration is needed and vital in developing the future of our own planet. For instance, a report from NASA in 2016 revealed that there is a government funded scheme that allocates more than 30% of taxpayers money to further space exploration programmes. On the other hand, building a spacecraft that can travel through space needs millions of dollars. This can dissolve the budget s...

The chart below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers.

Obesity is an increasing public health problem in some parts of the world. Explain some possible reasons for this problem, and suggest some solutions. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

The plans below show a small theater in 2010, and the same theater in 2012.

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Many of the world’s cities are currently facing a serious housing shortage. What are some of the reasons for this shortage and what solutions can you suggest? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience.

Some people want the government to spend more money for looking life on other planets, however, others think it’s a waste of public money when there are so many problems on earth that the government should be solving. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.