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The chart below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers.

The chart below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers.
#show #study #students #age #groups #amount #support #employers
The bar charts illustrate the chive
cause
Wrong verb form
caused
show examples
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
 education among pupils of the age of different brackets
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
 the proportion of aid they got from managers.
According to
 these data, the percentage of students who educate for occupation has declined significantly
while
 the number of students who study for their interest had the opposite trend.
Also
, the two youngest age groups had
most
Add an article
the most
show examples
 support from employers.
It is clear that
 most of
under
Correct article usage
the under
show examples
 26
years
 old students were educated just for a career
while
 the amount of them dropped off
about
Change preposition
by about
show examples
 60% in
over
Correct pronoun usage
those over
show examples
 49
years
 old and stood at just under 20%.
In contrast
, there was a marginal rise from 10% for
under
Correct pronoun usage
those under
show examples
 26 to 70% for
over
Correct pronoun usage
those over
show examples
 49
years
 old.
moreover
, the proportion of them was equal in 40-49 and stood at just about 40%.
in addition
, the amount of manager support was 60 and 50 for
under
Correct pronoun usage
those under
show examples
 26 and 26-29
years
 old, respectively. the percentage showed a significant decrease in the next bracket age and stood at just about 30%.
besides
 the employers supports went up marginally between 40-49 and over 49
years
 old.
Submitted by amirhsina on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stood" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "marginal" was used 2 times.
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Lifelong learning
  • Professional development
  • Adult education
  • Career advancement
  • Personal enrichment
  • Academic pursuits
  • Upskilling
  • Reskilling
  • Educational attainment
  • Tuition reimbursement
  • Flexible work arrangements
  • Work-study balance
  • Financial assistance
  • Professional growth
  • Study leave
  • Employee retention
  • Workforce development
  • Time management
  • Self-improvement
  • Motivational factors
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