The chart below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers.

#show #study #students #age #groups #amount #support #employers

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

The bar charts illustrate the chive

cause

Wrong verb form

caused

show examples

for

Change preposition

show examples

education among pupils of the age of different brackets

Linking Words

also

Correct word choice

and also

show examples

the proportion of aid they got from managers.

According to

Linking Words

these data, the percentage of students who educate for occupation has declined significantly

while

Linking Words

the number of students who study for their interest had the opposite trend.

Also

Linking Words

, the two youngest age groups had

most

Add an article

the most

show examples

support from employers.

It is clear that

Linking Words

most of

under

Correct article usage

the under

show examples

years

Use synonyms

old students were educated just for a career

while

Linking Words

the amount of them dropped off

about

Change preposition

by about

show examples

60% in

over

Correct pronoun usage

those over

show examples

years

Use synonyms

old and stood at just under 20%.

In contrast

Linking Words

, there was a marginal rise from 10% for

under

Correct pronoun usage

those under

show examples

26 to 70% for

over

Correct pronoun usage

those over

show examples

years

Use synonyms

old.

moreover

Linking Words

, the proportion of them was equal in 40-49 and stood at just about 40%.

in addition

Linking Words

, the amount of manager support was 60 and 50 for

under

Correct pronoun usage

those under

show examples

26 and 26-29

years

Use synonyms

old, respectively. the percentage showed a significant decrease in the next bracket age and stood at just about 30%.

besides

Linking Words

the employers supports went up marginally between 40-49 and over 49

years

Use synonyms

old.

Submitted by amirhsina on Thu May 18 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words years with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "stood" was used 3 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "just about" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "marginal" was used 2 times.

▼

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

187 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

Lifelong learning
Professional development
Adult education
Career advancement
Personal enrichment
Academic pursuits
Upskilling
Reskilling
Educational attainment
Tuition reimbursement
Flexible work arrangements
Work-study balance
Financial assistance
Professional growth
Study leave
Employee retention
Workforce development
Time management
Self-improvement
Motivational factors

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5
band
Nowadays, many families rarely have meals together. Why is this happening? Is this a positive or a negative development?
It is frequently observed that contemporary familial dynamics have led to a diminishing propensity for families to partake in communal meals together. The main cause is the busy schedule people are going through and a heavy workload that restricts them from enjoying their time with family. This essay aims to examine both perspectives and ultimately present a position in support of the latter view.
7.5
band
Some people believe that elderly employees are more useful to a company, while others believe that young employees are better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
The debate on whether elderly or young employees are more beneficial to a company is a topic of discussion. Both groups bring unique strengths and challenges to the workplace, and their contributions can vary depending on the organization's needs. This essay will discuss both perspectives and offer my opinion.
4
band
In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
There are split opinions regarding whether the age-care service should be paid by the government or the family in Britain. Some people believe that the government might be helped older for the rest of life in the age-care facility whereas others believe that it is a family responsibility to take care of their grandparents. However, both have their own positive side and will provide the answer with instance and perspective view too in the following paragraphs.
4.5
band
Most modern families have both parents working as a result children spends less and less time with their parents. What is the reason for this ? What problems this cause
→ In modern period, a lot number of new age farsilies have both father and mother doing job .Therefore, children are not able to spend time with their parents which can cause major problems .so, the following paragraphs will include the reason behind this action taken by modern parents as well as some trouble which can be caused with appropriate examples and explanations.
5.5
band
You are studying a short course in another country. Your accommodation was arranged by the course provider. There is a major problem with the accommodation. Write a letter to the course provider. In your letter, say what the problem is describe the accommodation you thought you were getting ask the provider to solve the problem
I am writing to express my disappointment with the type of accommodation provided by your institution. My name is Sameer Rana, an international student I.D number XX077, studying the fast-tracked English programm at the Seneca College.

The chart below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers.

Nowadays, many families rarely have meals together. Why is this happening? Is this a positive or a negative development?

Some people believe that elderly employees are more useful to a company, while others believe that young employees are better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Most modern families have both parents working as a result children spends less and less time with their parents. What is the reason for this ? What problems this cause