IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People nowadays tend to have children at older age. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages

#people #children #age #outweigh
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent times
people
Use synonyms
 are adhering to the culture of giving
birth
Use synonyms
 at
older
Add an article
an older
show examples
age
Use synonyms
. Most importantly
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon affects the children in one aspect or the other.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 essay will highlight the pros and cons of giving
birth
Use synonyms
 at
later
Add an article
a later
show examples
age
Use synonyms
. The pros of procreating at an early
age
Use synonyms
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to substantial consequences.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 arises
as a result
Linking Words
 of
people
Use synonyms
 graduating at
late
Add an article
a late
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 or those that are attaining to become prosperous
people
Use synonyms
 in
life
Use synonyms
 tend to settle down late thereby causing them to have their young ones at
late
Add an article
a late
show examples
 stage in
life
Use synonyms
,
therefore
Linking Words
 the
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
show examples
 of
this
Linking Words
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 that their children are well brought up, have better attention and love and have the best
life
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, a person who came out of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university at 30 years of
age
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 an individual would want to be financially stable before he would start his family.
In addition
Linking Words
, the cons of having children at
older
Add an article
an older
show examples
age
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that
such
Linking Words
 a person would not be able to have someone to attend
or
Change preposition
to or
show examples
 take care of him at his older
age
Use synonyms
 because most of his young ones will still be at a tender
age
Use synonyms
,
also
Linking Words
, most of
this
Linking Words
 individual are already close to their menopause especially the females
theirby
Correct your spelling
thereby
 leading to no child output.
For instance
Linking Words
, those that engage in
this
Linking Words
 practice are
people
Use synonyms
 who have no choice
than
Correct word choice
but
show examples
 to get married at late periods of their
life
Use synonyms
, especially the late bloomers in marriage. In conclusion, though the high rate of giving
birth
Use synonyms
 at higher
Use synonyms
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 is becoming alarming, individuals should try to make sure that there is equilibrium in human affairs by giving
birth
Use synonyms
 at
early
Add an article
an early
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 because it reduces health complications
such
Linking Words
fibromyalgia
Change preposition
as fibromyalgia
show examples
, heart risk and the
likes
Fix the agreement mistake
like
show examples
.
Submitted by oludayotemilade on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • delaying parenthood
  • financial stability
  • career advancement
  • personal goals
  • higher education
  • fertility treatments
  • relationship stability
  • health care improvements
  • personal development
  • postponing children
  • achieve milestones
  • family planning
  • modern society
  • life expectancy
  • paternal and maternal age
What to do next:
Look at other essays: