IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie chart shows the percentage of persons arrested in the five years ending 1994 and the bar chart shows the most recent reasons for arrest. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The two pie graphs present the breakdown of people arrested throughout a
five- year
Use the right word
five-year
show examples
 period ending
up to
Change preposition
in
show examples
1994
Punctuation problem
1994,
show examples
categorized
Change the spelling
categorised
show examples
 by gender,
while
Linking Words
 the bar chart represents the most recent offences of the aforementioned
arrests
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the information shows that the number of men
were
Verb problem
apply
show examples
arrested
more
Verb problem
was more
show examples
 than
those
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
 of women. Actually, the recent primary offence for both genders was public drinking.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 act and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
drink driving combined accounted for about 50% of all
arrests
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, five years prior to 1994, the percentage of male
arrests
Use synonyms
 was approximately one-third of the male population (32%)
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
which was almost four times
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the female
arrests
Use synonyms
 (32:9).
In addition
Linking Words
, it is noticeable that public drinking was the most typical offence for both women (37.5%) and men 31%,
while
Linking Words
 the second most common portion of the illegal act varied in terms of the proportion and the types.
However
Linking Words
, the third most common act was similar for both genders, with 18% for females and 19% for males
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was caused by the other reason.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words arrests with synonyms.
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