IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that family life and parents have great influences on children’s development. Do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays,
due to
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 urbanization, it is believed that parents have enormous effects on their children’s growth. I totally agree with
this
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 opinion and explain my reasons in the following paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, when a baby is born regardless of its gender,
due to
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 recognizing his or her mother and father, observes and perceives his or her parent’s
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
Therefore
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, the
child
Use synonyms
 will learn and initiate imitating their behavior either pleasant or non-pleasant features.
For instance
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, when a
three- year- old
Correct your spelling
three-year-old
show examples
 boy observes how his father treats his mother either in a polite or impolite manner he begins to behave with his friends in
this
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 way.
Moreover
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, the family would affect their children both in positive and negative ways. A decent and joyful family would foster their offspring in an appropriate environment and provide a suitable atmosphere in their family where their children are going to be brought up.
On the other hand
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, a strict family would enact mandatory rules which their
child
Use synonyms
 has to obey.
Therefore
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, the
child
Use synonyms
 who grows up in
this
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 type of family might experience some psychological disorders
such
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 as anxiety and might display these features in his or her future life.
For instance
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, when a strict father announces a specific time for his daughter to be home at night,
this
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child
Use synonyms
 might suffer from anxiety and show
her
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
upset in front of her friends when she is spending time with her friends at night to avoid her father’s madness and blame.
To sum up
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, from the start of civilization families always have had a vital role and effect on fostering their offspring by the time they are born and their development.
Therefore
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, I absolutely agree with
this
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 idea.

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coherence cohesion
Work on developing a more clear and structured approach to organizing paragraphs. Begin each paragraph with a topic sentence that clearly states its main idea, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that idea with examples or further explanation.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow and coherence between sentences and paragraphs. This not only enhances readability but also demonstrates a greater command of language.
task achievement
Be sure to directly address the essay question in your introduction and reiterate your stance in the conclusion for a stronger impact and clearer task achievement.
task achievement
Incorporate a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to make your argument more compelling and to demonstrate your language proficiency.
task achievement
Provide more detailed, specific examples to support your main points. This strengthens your argument and demonstrates a deeper understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • pivotal role
  • shaping
  • behavior
  • attitudes
  • direct impact
  • interactions
  • guidance
  • moral values
  • ethics
  • responsibility
  • honesty
  • empathy
  • educational achievements
  • career choices
  • confidence
  • motivation
  • emotional
  • psychological support
  • supportive home environment
  • mental health
  • challenges
  • sole influencers
  • external factors
  • peers
  • media
  • education systems
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