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Band 4

Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives.

#children #pressures #perspectives
More
problems
 these days from academic, social and commercial challenges are faced by
children
 .
This
 essay intends to discuss the causes of these pressures and
suggest
Change the verb form
suggests
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 some measures to alleviate the problem. There are lots of educational
problems
on
Change preposition
for
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youth
 .
This
 day child is not
challenging
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challenged
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with
Change preposition
by
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 the teen next door, or even
of
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by
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 one's town or country. He is competing with the teen of the countryside. The large planet Earth of yesteryears is a small well -linked global village of today . Parents want their
children
outshine
Add the particle
to outshine
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in
Correct pronoun usage
them in
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 every field. They post their
children
 to the best school, where the school bag is often heavier than the child himself. Even after school hours there
private
Add a missing verb
are private
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 teachings.
Youth
 don't have time to bloom and bring out their hidden talents. There are eke many public and commercial
problems
.
Furthermore
Add a comma
,Furthermore
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 the
children
 of today are in a large dilemma. They desire to adopt the worldwide culture,
whereas
 their parents oblige them to restrict themselves to the traditions When they are unable to do so, they get stressed. The solutions are not simple .
Youth
 have to be handled
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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with great care . Parents should have actual expectations from their
children
.
Children
 have to be thought to outplay with modesty and lose with grace.
To
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In
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 conclusion,
these
Correct your spelling
there
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is
Change the verb form
are
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 no distrust that the
youth
 of today are meeting so many
problems
.
However
Add a comma
,However
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 steps should be taken on a war footing to protect their innocent childhood .
Otherwise
 these pressures with style the physical and psychological growth of
youth
.
Submitted by ieltsteaching0 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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