IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives.

#children #pressures #perspectives
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
More
problems
Use synonyms
 these days from academic, social and commercial challenges are faced by
children
Use synonyms
 .
This
Linking Words
 essay intends to discuss the causes of these pressures and
suggest
Change the verb form
suggests
show examples
 some measures to alleviate the problem. There are lots of educational
problems
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
youth
Use synonyms
 .
This
Linking Words
 day child is not
challenging
Replace the word
challenged
show examples
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the teen next door, or even
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 one's town or country. He is competing with the teen of the countryside. The large planet Earth of yesteryears is a small well -linked global village of today . Parents want their
children
Use synonyms
outshine
Add the particle
to outshine
show examples
in
Correct pronoun usage
them in
show examples
 every field. They post their
children
Use synonyms
 to the best school, where the school bag is often heavier than the child himself. Even after school hours there
private
Add a missing verb
are private
show examples
 teachings.
Youth
Use synonyms
 don't have time to bloom and bring out their hidden talents. There are eke many public and commercial
problems
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Furthermore
Add a comma
,Furthermore
show examples
 the
children
Use synonyms
 of today are in a large dilemma. They desire to adopt the worldwide culture,
whereas
Linking Words
 their parents oblige them to restrict themselves to the traditions When they are unable to do so, they get stressed. The solutions are not simple .
Youth
Use synonyms
 have to be handled
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
with great care . Parents should have actual expectations from their
children
Use synonyms
.
Children
Use synonyms
 have to be thought to outplay with modesty and lose with grace.
To
Change preposition
In
show examples
 conclusion,
these
Correct your spelling
there
show examples
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 no distrust that the
youth
Use synonyms
 of today are meeting so many
problems
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 steps should be taken on a war footing to protect their innocent childhood .
Otherwise
Linking Words
 these pressures with style the physical and psychological growth of
youth
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by ieltsteaching0 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: