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Writing Samples
Band 7

Technology has allowed many people to work from home, but it has also meant that they are often expected to be available for work outside of normal working hours. Do you think this is a positive or negative development for employees?

It is an indisputable truth that advancements in technology have made life easier. Modernisation has made it possible for people to
work
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 from
home
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, but in return, employers are expecting
employees
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 to stay connected even after their working
hours
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.
This
Linking Words
 phenomenon has some benefits, but the drawbacks are more remarkable. On the one hand, there are a plethora of reasons why it is beneficial to
work
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 from
home
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 and stay connected even after one's shift ends. The most significant reason is that, at least
while
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 working from
home
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, they can stay with their family at all times. Owing to
this
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, their bond with their kids and other family members will
also
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 increase. Another reason is that
this
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 way,
employees
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 can save a lot of money.
For example
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, if
employees
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 go to the office, they might travel through a mode of transportation, whether it be a car or a bus. But if they
work
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 from
home
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, their travelling expenses will be saved.
On the contrary
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, there are numerous reasons why
this
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 development can be negative. The first and foremost reason is that working more than their regular
hours
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 can lead to stress.
For instance
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, if a person stays in touch even after their working
hours
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, they will not have proper time for relaxation.
Hence
Linking Words
, they might not get proper sleep, and their mental health might get worse.
Moreover
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, they will not be able to focus on their family, as they have to stay connected to
work
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 all the time.
Consequently
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, it might create issues within their family as well.
To conclude
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,
although
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 it can be beneficial for the employer if
employees
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work
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 even after their working
hours
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, considering it from an employee's end, I believe it is a negative development.

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task response
Make your main answer more clear early. Say very clearly that this is mostly a negative change for workers.
task response
Add one more clear example for the bad side. This will make your ideas stronger and more full.
task response
Stay close to the question all the time. The topic is not only work from home, but also being ready for work after normal hours.
coherence and cohesion
Use topic sentences that match your main point. This helps the reader follow your ideas easily.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking is good, but a few parts repeat the same idea. Try to avoid saying 'working hours' and 'stay connected' too many times.
coherence and cohesion
Make the first body paragraph more balanced. Now it talks more about working from home in general than about after-hours work.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the end: overall this is a negative development for employees.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic structure with introduction, two body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas are easy to follow, and you use simple linking words like 'On the one hand', 'On the contrary', and 'To conclude'.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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