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Band 4.5

Today more people are waiting until their thirties to get married and have children. Do you think this is a positive and negative development?

#people #thirties #children #development
Presently, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 do not want to get married and have
children
 in order to create
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 career till
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 thirties. I am completely certain that first of all, every human being should create
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 own
life
 before they get married and have
children
. In
this
 essay, I will discuss why numerous
people
 do not desire to get married and have
children
 until their thirties and provide relevant examples from my experience. Nowadays majority of the young
people
 want to study
famous
Change preposition
at famous
show examples
 universities and find well-paid work. They never think about getting married and
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
children
 until their thirties. Indeed, today it is difficult to live without money and
house
Correct article usage
a house
show examples
although
 they are professional staff in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
.
Therefore
 most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 find well-paid jobs so as not to find
difficult
Correct pronoun usage
it difficult
show examples
 to live.
For example
, there was my
neighbors
Change the spelling
neighbours
show examples
 lived next to me. They had a single son. He worked and studied abroad because they were poor. He sometimes came home to see his parents and give
some
Correct pronoun usage
them some
show examples
 money.
Finally
Add a comma
,Finally
show examples
 he got married after he had created his own
life
. Now he lives with his family happily.
However
, some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 get married early age in order to have
children
although
 they do not have
their
Change the word
a
show examples
 home to live
Change preposition
in and
show examples
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 a job.
As a
result
Add a comma
,result
show examples
 they find it difficult to live with their family.
For instance
, I had my cousin. He was a single son to his parents. One day his parents wanted him to get married early. After two years he divorced with wife in order to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
experience in
life
.
Hence
, every young person should get married unless they achi
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • matrimonial timing
  • fertility issues
  • career-oriented
  • financial security
  • societal norms
  • generational divide
  • personal fulfillment
  • personality development
  • biological clock
  • extended adolescence
  • family planning
  • child rearing
  • socioeconomic factors
  • traditional milestones
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