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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Currently there is a trend towards the use of alternative forms of medicine. However, at best these methods are ineffective, and at worst they may be dangerous. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

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Health is defined as a state of social, physical and psychological well-being. The advancement in medical science has done wonders. Even many different approaches towards treatment are used nowadays which are proven to be beneficial for humankind. I am completely against the statement that alternative medicine forms are a boon to the human race and the grounds of my perception shall be discussed in
this
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 essay.
To begin
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 with, earlier there was an Ayurvedic medicine system which involved the derivation of medicines from plants (generally called herbs), animals and other natural sources.
This
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 method of treatment was effective but not clinically safe. To exemplify, sometimes the herbs from which medicine was to be prepared were not properly identified which results in side effects, even sometimes poisoning.
However
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, it is
also
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 a very difficult and lengthy process to prepare these ayurvedic medicines.
On the contrary
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, there are many other forms of medication
such
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 as allopathy, homoeopathy, physiotherapy, acupressure and so on.
To begin
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 with, allopathy is one of the fastest methods of treatment. The medicines are prepared in laboratories which are properly tested and are safe to use.
Furthermore
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,
homeopathy
Change the spelling
homoeopathy
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 is a form of medication which can be used for long-term illnesses and is proven to have zero or minimal adverse effects.
In addition
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 to
this
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, acupressure is used to treat people by applying pressure on certain points and can be done on a daily basis.
For instance
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, the specialists explain the pressure points to the client and pressing those points treats the condition.
However
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, yoga is proven to be a very effective step towards a healthy lifestyle and is one of the most commonly used preventive health care methods.
To conclude
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,
other
Change the wording
another
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 form of medication has been clinically proven their effectiveness.
Thus
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, are very beneficial to humans for treating illnesses.

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines your stance instead of indicating disagreement with the statement without explicitly stating your opinion. Consider rephrasing it to clarify that you find alternative medicine potentially dangerous.
coherence and cohesion
Consider organizing your paragraphs to enhance the flow of ideas. Transitioning smoothly between paragraphs with linking phrases can improve coherence.
task achievement
While you provide some examples of alternative medicine, strengthening your argument with more detailed specific examples and elaborating on the impact of these alternative methods will enrich your essay.
content
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of different medical systems and provides a variety of examples which enhances your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicine
  • holistic approaches
  • integrative health
  • conventional medicine
  • effectiveness
  • evidence-based
  • treatment methodologies
  • placebo effect
  • patient empowerment
  • complementary therapy
  • risk assessment
  • medical supervision
  • healthcare choices
  • quantifiable results
  • therapeutic
  • wellness practices
  • integrative therapies
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