IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Many countries invest money to prepare competitors to join top competitions, the Olympics or the World Cup. Therefore, it is necessary to offer money to encourage children to exercise more? To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #money #competitors #competitions #olympics #world #cup #offer #children #exercise
In a global society, many nations are competing to set the upper-ranked records in
sports
 competitions of the top level
such
 as the Olympics or the World Cup.
While
 some
people
 contend that only providing prospective young
sports
 players with a financial budget is inappropriate, other
people
 assert that governments should assist financially talented
children
 in
sports
 for the top prizes. I completely agree with the question, and in
this
 paper, I will posit some reasons for
this
. Some
people
 argue that offering a financial budget to
children
 for competitions has a controversial aspect. First of all, only focusing on a few
children
 is inequitable from the perspective of social justice. Governments should have a responsibility for equitable learning opportunities for their citizen,
further
children
. Even if some
children
 have a talent in
sports
, spending the public budget on education requires agreements because it can be seen as giving preferences to some kids.
On the other hand
, I truly believe that fostering talented
children
 for global
sports
 competitions via governmental budgets has a positive impact in various ways. On a global stage, setting a record as the national representative in various fields plays a vital role in promoting economic benefits and national images. Seong-Jin Cho,
for instance
, won the international Chopin piano competition and is the first Korean to win
this
 competition. After that, global society focused on Korean music education and began to invest in Korean education industries, provoking financial advantages in Korea. In conclusion, even though some
people
 disagree with financial aid for certain
children
, I believe that assisting prodigies financially in
sports
 has a lot of benefits internationally among global countries.
Submitted by dhkwak09 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!