IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many countries invest money to prepare competitors to join top competitions, the Olympics or the World Cup. Therefore, it is necessary to offer money to encourage children to exercise more? To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In a global society, many nations are competing to set the upper-ranked records in
sports
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 competitions of the top level
such
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 as the Olympics or the World Cup.
While
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 some
people
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 contend that only providing prospective young
sports
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 players with a financial budget is inappropriate, other
people
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 assert that governments should assist financially talented
children
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 in
sports
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 for the top prizes. I completely agree with the question, and in
this
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 paper, I will posit some reasons for
this
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. Some
people
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 argue that offering a financial budget to
children
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 for competitions has a controversial aspect. First of all, only focusing on a few
children
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 is inequitable from the perspective of social justice. Governments should have a responsibility for equitable learning opportunities for their citizen,
further
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children
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. Even if some
children
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 have a talent in
sports
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, spending the public budget on education requires agreements because it can be seen as giving preferences to some kids.
On the other hand
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, I truly believe that fostering talented
children
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 for global
sports
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 competitions via governmental budgets has a positive impact in various ways. On a global stage, setting a record as the national representative in various fields plays a vital role in promoting economic benefits and national images. Seong-Jin Cho,
for instance
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, won the international Chopin piano competition and is the first Korean to win
this
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 competition. After that, global society focused on Korean music education and began to invest in Korean education industries, provoking financial advantages in Korea. In conclusion, even though some
people
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 disagree with financial aid for certain
children
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, I believe that assisting prodigies financially in
sports
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 has a lot of benefits internationally among global countries.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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