IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think movies should only be for entertainment. Others think that they should also have educational values. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Many
people
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 argue that
movies
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 do not require educational values and should focus
to create
Change preposition
on creating
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 fun only.
While
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 others argue that the audience should learn something through
movies
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. I intend to delve into both views and will present my point.
To begin
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 with, The advocates of entertainment-based
movies
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 state that the main goal of watching Films is to get relief from stress
as well as
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 to distract the mind from the problems of daily life.
People
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 visit theatres mostly on holidays and they expect to have a happy time.
Moreover
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, the makers of cinema spend a lot of money and they want the response of the audience to make a blockbuster film. So, they mostly work on adding action and comedy to entertain the public.
For example
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,
movies
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 like "Fast and Furious"
was
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were
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 based on Action and do not have any academic knowledge. It was a big hit.
On the other hand
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, there is a type of audience who wants a meaningful movie with a message for society so that awareness regarding some issues should be created and historical knowledge should be given.
Moreover
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, They want more science fiction
movies
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 to make children interested in science and technology which would make a progressive mindset in children towards studies.
Also
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, Making Biopics on successful
people
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 including their journey from the beginning can motivate so many individuals.
For instance
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, the Biopic of
stephen hawking
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Stephen Hawking
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 motivates
people
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 not to give up even having a disease like him.
To conclude
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,
It is clear that
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people
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 want entertainment from pictures but including a message is essential to reach out to the hearts of every individual and it could be the cherry on the cake.

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task response
Ensure that all parts of the essay directly relate to the essay prompt. Use the introduction to clearly outline the position taken on the topic and ensure that all body paragraphs contribute to the development of the argument.
coherence and cohesion
The essay demonstrates a clear structure and progression of ideas, particularly in the introduction and conclusion. However, there are areas where the connection between ideas could be made clearer, thus enhancing coherence and cohesion.
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